


Life Imitates Art

by richardnoelchris, un1c0rntea



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Asexual Howard Moon, Asexual Vince Noir, Character Death, Dark Academia, Fluff, M/M, Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:22:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24242761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/richardnoelchris/pseuds/richardnoelchris, https://archiveofourown.org/users/un1c0rntea/pseuds/un1c0rntea
Summary: Something mysterious happens at an Academy for creative people, which shakes everything up........
Relationships: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Comments: 10
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> We wrote this because we wanted to challenge ourselves and do something longer than either of us have done before. Also we wanted to write Asexual Howince. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed bringing the story to life.

1

The fairground had been abandoned for years; a broken down ferris wheel, with rusted metal frames, the patina was enough to attract tourists and the yellow passenger cars produced a shrill sound, similar to nails on a chalkboard, or a fork scratching on a plate when the wind blew.

Also stood a carousel that didn’t rotate anymore, where the years had not been kind to the features on the horses, they’d been stripped of their happy expressions, they were affected by damp and their paint had peeled. Several of them had been thrown off, this was the effect of overuse, the poles were rusty and the circular platform had pieces of wood missing. One of the horses that had been flung off and torn away from its friends had an eye missing, no one knows where it went but it made the horse look terrifying and it somehow lost all of its once childlike innocence. It looked dead, but it was also quite enchanting, due to the flowers that had decided to take refuge on top of it.

Lastly there was a Tunnel of Love, that now spelt out the phrase ‘NNOO’, due to the fact that the electricity only had the power to illuminate a few words. It smelt like grass and stagnant water and in that water lived the pennies that couples would now throw in as well as letters and leaves that almost covered the water completely, creating a myriad of browns, reds, oranges, yellows and dark greens. What once was fun, was now melancholy. 

In summary….it was sort of a ghost town. 

* * *

Vince was wearing an all black sailor collar circle dress, that had puffed sleeves, complete with a black wide brim fedora hat. Underneath, fell a wave of ash blonde hair with a hint of pink and his face was framed with a pair of round glasses. They had silver frames and looked quite retro. He also donned a pair of black cat head socks that sat just above the knee, finished off with a beautiful pair of constellation ankle boots. He was seated in one of the passenger cars, painting his nails while listening to  _ Lorde’s Pure Heroine  _ through his ghost earphones on Spotify. It was one of his favourite albums and he even owned an enamel pin of the album. 

He blew softly onto his nails allowing them time to dry, while singing along to  _ White Teeth Teens _ , but while adjusting his earphones he accidentally smudged all the blackberry polish on his right hand.

He quickly pulled his hand away when he realised even though it was a little too late. “Fuck me.” Vince pressed the middle button on his phone revealing a homescreen of a little ghost waving an asexual flag on a black blackground.

He opened his front face camera to check his hair “Oh thank Jim Morrison.” Then he turned his face to the left and noticed blobs of paint across his jawline causing him to close his eyes tightly in frustration. Placing his phone back down on the seat, he attempted to revive the state of his nails. This task proved useless, as it was like peeling sticky glue, or something that had the texture of flesh. 

He sighed and said through gritted teeth. “Right. ‘At’s it!” He got up out of the capsule and stormed over to the horse on the ground, which Howard was laid across while staring at the crown shyness of the trees, smoking. 

The taller man had his hair slicked back with gel, but left a few strands in a twisted quiff, and was blessed with a gorgeous moustache that rested above his top lip. He was suited up in a white t-shirt and black braces - on which he wore an asexual pride, heart shaped enamel pin, and wore matching trousers with smart heeled shoes on the bottom. His brown socks were showing due to the fact he was horizontal, also revealing some shin. Underneath him was a chocolate brown blazer, forming a protective layer between dusty horse and man.

Vince bent down until he was in Howard’s vision and made out like he was going to kiss him, but he snatched the cigarette from between his lips.

“Hey!”

He took a puff, he nearly choked doing it but he knew it would annoy Howard, who had a vacant look on his face, left arm with a crescent moon tattoo on the wrist, hanging loosely towards the floor, gently teasing the earth with the tips of his fingers. “I can’t believe you took my cigarette.” He said lazily and spaced out, while trying to hide his annoyance.

After nearly choking to death, Vince spoke hoarsely, “Now that I’ve got your attention Brando. You done takin’ in all the scenery? Cos I wanna go.”

Howard genuinely thought there was something wrong with him, so with concern in his voice he asked, “You ok little man?” He tried to reach for his cigarette, but Vince kept moving his hand higher so he couldn’t reach it, then he stuck it in the corner of his mouth.

“Nice try, and no! I’ve smudged my nail polish, so I need to get home and sort meself out.”

Howard shut his eyes in despair, “Is that it?”

“What d’you mean is that it? Howard this is a beauty emergency.” His voice was high pitched.

He tried to register what he’d just said, “So, you want to go home, just so you can fix your nails yeah?”

“Yeah plus M’ cold.” He presented the cigarette to Howard, who took it from him gracefully, gripping it between two fingers.

“Yeah it is quite cold. Ok let’s go.” He said sitting up and popping the cigarette between his lips, lighting it with his flip top lighter and placing it in his pocket.

Noticing that the little man was shivering, he generously draped his blazer over his shoulders which Vince snuggled into, “Thanks ‘Oward.”

“No problem.” He mumbled due to having a cigarette in his mouth. Then he wrapped an arm around him and they started to head home and walked past the Tunnel of Love. He chuckled, briefly, taking the cigarette out. “Hey Vince? Wanna chuck some pennies in the water?”

“Shit off!” They both burst out laughing and it trailed off in the distance. 

2

“We’re gonna miss the tram, Vince!”

Vince trailed behind, dragging two black shiny suitcases through puddles, sludge and leaves. There was a lovely petrichor in the atmosphere. “I’m coming. I’m coming.” Vince looked down at his feet in disgust once they reached the platform. His heels kept getting caught in the cracks on the ground. “I am not wearing the right shoes for this.” 

“I told ya, little man. Wear your trudging boots.”

“I think I’m bout ta have a heart attack, Oward.”

Howard rolled his eyes as the tram pulled up, “Drama Queen.”

“I’m not made for running. I get all sweaty n gross.”

“Yeah well, so does everybody else on the planet Vince...At least your nails look good.”

Vince looked at him blank, then after a delay asked, “Do they sweat on the moon?”

“You’re quite orphic aren’t you Vince.” Howard said, helping him get the suitcases on to the tram. 

“Whassat?”

“It means mysterious or beyond ordinary understanding, Sir.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely me haha!”

They looked around for seats and found two backwards facing ones.

“Oh Christ.”

“S’wrong with you?”

“I hate going backwards.”

“Ohhhhh. Uh sorry Howard.” Vince looked up and down the aisle. “Looks like these are the only seats. Place is chocka!”

“Ah well, c’est la vie.”

The boys placed their cases in the overhead storage and then sat down sighing in relief. Howard glanced out the window and noticed white moonlight shining through rain drops, they were running down slowly at first and later on got heavier. It was as if the window was a frame and the glass itself was a painting, which had been smudged by water droplets.

This created a misty pane, which Howard took advantage of and drew a smiley face with a moustache. It was an attempt at a self portrait, but he winced and wiped it off with his palm. Then he looked over at Vince who was sleeping soundly, he could sleep anywhere and Howard was envious of it so he smirked and got his phone out to distract from the sickly feeling. He opened his Duolingo app and resumed his french course, the green bird had been harassing him to do a language lesson all day. 

After a couple of seconds, his shoulder was met with a warmth that felt like an owl had just perched there. It was Vince’s head which became heavy as he drifted further and further into sleep. He sounded like a cat purring and Howard kissed his crown as a confirmation for him to stay there. 

A route planner app that Howard had set for the tram sent an alert to his phone  _ ‘ONE STOP LEFT.’ _ He closed all his other apps and then cautiously woke Vince up by whispering. “Vince.”

“Mm?” He stirred.

“We’ve got one stop left little man, just making you aware.”

“M…..kay..thanks…” Vince yawned, looking up at Howard all heavy eyed and dizzy, “Got dribble on ya…”

“Ah don’t worry about it.” Howard leaned down to meet his lips. 

Vince smiled sweetly and then rolled his shoulders and moved his head side to side to get the tension out. Then said quietly, “I’ll grab the suitcases.” 

“Thank you.”

One by one, Vince lifted all three cases of luggage and Howard placed them on the floor as the announcement said,  _ ‘Ok ladies and gents, we are now arriving at our last stop: The College for Creatives. We hope you’ve had a pleasant journey, we wish you all success in your courses. Please take all personal belongings with you. Thanks for travelling with Maple Tree Way Tram Line. Take care and goodnight.’ _

Following this, the both of them, along with all the other students made their way off the tram.

When the doors opened, they were hit with the cold night air so Howard and Vince put the hoods of their coats up while their teeth chattered quite fiercely. They walked up to the gates of the academy with cold, bone white knuckles.

The exterior of the academy was quite gothic looking, with large, arched shaped windows, statues on either side of the heavy iron gates, of which opened automatically with a deep scraping sound. It looked even more gothic in the rain and mist, but it didn’t look new and pristine, it looked ancient, like it had an important history to it. All of the new students were asked to show their lanyards for confirmation, then they were given their keys and shown to their dorm rooms. The suitcases rumbled like thunder in the corridor and Vince’s heels were making a very satisfying  _ clip clop  _ sound on the linoleum floor. The floor was white and each tile had a black diamond in the center of it. The academy’s high ceilings provided an echo, which amplified every sound and caused it to bounce off the walls. 

All the rooms were on the ground floor, a decision made by the staff after last year’s new students struggled to get their suitcases up the stairs, so instead it was agreed that students would take their lessons upstairs. They all retired to their rooms for the night and were told that there would be a tour of the academy in the morning. 

3

Vince rolled over to face Howard in the bed, “How'd you sleep?”

He growled and replied “Quite rough actually.”

“Aw that’s a shame.” He snuggled into his pillow, “Cos I slept like a baby.”

“Well you know what I’m like in new places, but I’m glad you slept well.” He kissed his shoulder softly.

Vince giggled, “Right, c’mon, gorra get up.” He pressed himself up with his hands, but Howard pulled him back down, enveloping his arms around him, “Oi. D’you fink ‘is is?”

“When you leave it gets cold. It’s fact.”

“What?”

“Yeah well, you’re like a...hot water bottle.”

“As sweet as that is Howard. I wanna go explore, I wanna meet new people.” He switched to a Leeds accent, “So kindly get your hands off me Sir.” He laughed.

“Très drôle."

Vince cackled and eventually fought his way out of Howard’s embrace and rolled out of bed, straight onto the floor with a thud. “I’m alright.” He popped back up, “I’m alright.” He dusted off his pyjamas.

“What time is it anyway Vince?”

He unlocked his phone, “Um 10 minutes past 8.”

“Oh Christ!” He checked the letter on his bedside table, “Yep, the tour starts at 9, time to move, R.I.P bed.”

“Yeah we’ll lay some flowers down.” Then he started to faintly hum the funeral march.

Howard threw his socks at him, he knew what that meant.

“Alright, so not a morning person cool.” He ran a hand through his hair, “Ugh bet this looks an absolute mess.”

“Yeah it does.”

“Right. What can I throw at you?”

Howard just laughed and then he sat up, while Vince went into the bathroom to sort himself out. 

He picked up the leaflet they’d left in all the rooms, describing places to visit on and off campus.

“Oo Vince!”

Vince popped his head round the door, brushing his teeth. “Uh huh?”

“They’ve got a museum here, exhibits include, pre-raphaelite and modern art.” He raised an eyebrow, pre-raphaelite was their kryptonite.

“Wow! We are visiting that museum haha.” 

They both pulled some clothes out of their suitcases, which resided on the floor due to the fatigue last night and the unbotherdness to sort them out. Today Vince's outfit consisted of high waisted black trousers, with a chunky belt and a white low neck shirt tucked in, where he hung his glasses and a pair of black ankle boots. He pulled his hair back into two ponytails, which hung loosely between his shoulder blades. 

While Howard’s outfit was a simple one; a large, burnt orange, chunky knit jumper with black jeans and flat ankle boots. He just left his hair untreated and curly, as it was simple and they were running out of time anyway. “Right Vince, ready?”

Vince was pouting in the mirror, “Oh yeah, wanna jump in my selfie?”

“Yeah ok, fuck it why not.” They took at least three mirror selfies; one smiling, one cuddly and close, and one silly one.

Vince scrolled through the pictures, “Beautiful. Let’s go.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The students are given a tour of the academy. Vince goes exploring and Howard has a chill time.

1

The tour consisted of current students pointing out the fire exits in the building, as well as where to go if you needed first aid. They were also shown the toilets which were situated on each floor, two of which were unisex. 

A girl with red hair wearing a tweed suit, named Rita said, “There’s no smoking allowed inside, but you can smoke here in the courtyard. Or just anywhere outside.”

“Oh! Merci.” Howard said, doing a little fist pump. 

“Before we go any further are there any questions?” Rita wiggled her fingers and looked around at her sea of students.

The other girl, Angel, jumped in with a, “No question is a stupid question.”

Howard raised his hand while Vince was otherwise distracted, tilting his head up to the sky. “Uhh, are we allowed to smoke in our dorm rooms?”

“Oooo. No. unfortunately not, we do have to go outside I’m afraid. It’s the rules.”

“Ah ok fair enough so….no….smoooo...king in...rooms.” Howard replied, pulling a pen out of his pocket and writing  _ ‘Smoke later in room.’  _ on his left wrist under the tattoo. 

Vince caught sight of his wrist and smirked, letting out a lip trill accidentally.

“Ok, so if there’s no further questions. On to the library.” 

“Where my heart lies.” Came a nasal whisper through the crowd, behind Vince. He had a book of the 1994 penguin popular classics version of  _ William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream  _ in his cardigan pocket. The cover depicted detail from  _ The Reconciliation of Oberon and Titania _ by  _ Sir Joseph Noel-Paton. _

They walked through to the library and there was a wall with a quote by C.S. Lewis engraved, 

_ ‘You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.’ _

“We encourage learning new things here, as you can see. So we have a range of books on extra curricular things too.” Rita gestured to the book shelves.

Angel jumped in, “For example, there’s the language section, history section, english literature section. As well as just books that you can read at your own leisure.”

“Oh that’s good because I’ve been wanting to brush up on my French a bit more.”

“Lovely, well now you can. Oh and we also have art books so -.”

“ART BOOKS!” Vince squawked running around frantically trying to find them.

The girls pointed to the right and went, “Just down there.”

He put his glasses on, “Cheers.” Off he went to browse the art section while everyone else walked around a little bit to get familiar with the layout.

Saboo walked in front of Howard which meant that he noticed the book in his pocket, “Oh wow. Shakespeare! I love him.”

“Ah a man of taste.” He had a weird way of nodding his head on every other word when he spoke. He presented his hand, “Name’s Saboo.”

“Howard Moon, nice to meet you.”

He noticed his tattoo, “Cool tat.”

Howard chuckled, “Oh haha thank you, got it in Leeds, my hometown.”

“Beautiful. I wanted a tattoo but I’m scared of two things, needles and my parents being angry.” He laughed.

“Haha. Yeah not fun Sir.”

Vince returned with books on  _ Van Gogh, Raphael  _ and  _ Andy Warhol _ , as well as a  _ How To Draw  _ book, so that he could get some practice in. “Oward look!” 

“Wow that is quite a collection you got going on there Sir.” He noticed Saboo looking at him as if to say,  _ ‘Aren’t you going to introduce me?’ _

“Oh yeah, where are my manners? Saboo this is Vince Noir.” 

Vince turned side on so that he could see over the bookstack that was covering most of his face. “Hi!” he tried to get a free hand so he could shake Saboo’s, but this proved difficult, however Howard being a gentleman took half of his books. “Cheers Howard.” He shook his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

Rita started to speak again, “Listen up everyone, glad you’re all enjoying the Library, but we are going to have a 15 minute break, so that we can all use the toilet or grab something to eat. The canteen is just behind me, and you are allowed to eat in your rooms. Be back at 10:45, we’ve got quite a lot to pack in. Also myself and Angel will be in the canteen, so just grab us if you have any questions. Ok? See you in the courtyard in 15 minutes. “

Vince was relieved at this, because his arms were starting to wobble and he was hungry for his tuna and sweetcorn sandwich sitting in his room. Howard was also relieved because he wanted to smoke so badly, since he’d heard the tour guides explain where you couldn’t smoke, his mind was going ‘ _ Mmmm what I wouldn’t do for a cigarette.’  _ The boys parted for a while, Vince went to their room, while Howard found a structurally grand arch doorway leading to the courtyard and smoked there, leaning against the wall with one hand in his pocket. 

After the break Rita and Angel showed the students the different floors, the lifts, the teachers’ offices and the Headmaster’s office. In the end the tour concluded at about 11:30, then they were all free to explore, so they used the maps they’d been provided with to roam. 

The lads were in their room and Vince looked at the map and nudged Howard excitedly when something caught his eye and he gasped, “Howard. Look, there’s a cemetery near by. S’bout a 7 minute walk.” Vince had ‘coimetromania’, meaning that he had an abnormal attraction and desire to visit cemeteries. He just found comfort in them, he didn’t really know why. “I’m gonna explore that in a bit. Gotta make a costume change first.” He said eyes returning to the map.

“A costume change? Who are you Madonna?” Howard was looking out the window.

Vince went to change into an all black outfit, complete with cape and his wide brimmed fedora, while Howard ran himself a bath. He turned on the hot tap and poured in some pink bubble bath, scented with Jasmine with a hint of Jojoba oil. Then he lifted his sweater over his head, kicked off his shoes and took his jeans off. While the bath was filling up he walked into the bedroom where Vince was putting his hat on and posing in front of the mirror. 

Vince’s voice came out quite deep, “My graveyard garments.”

“Je ne comprends pas vous.”

“Whatever.” He grabbed his sketch pad and put it in his tote bag along with his art supplies. 

Howard did a nose scrunch and went into his suitcase to dig for a record for bathtime. He chose  _ ‘Ultraviolence’ by Lana Del Rey _ , opened the sleeve and put the record on.

“Right Howard, love you and leave you.” He blew a kiss.

“Catch ya later, have fun.” The sound of an electric guitar filled the room as Howard walked back into the bathroom, turned off the tap, took off his boxers and got in the warm water. 

2

Vince was sitting on a bench listening to the Spotify playlist he’d created especially for cemetery visits entitled ‘Cemetery Walks.’ It consisted of  _ Bessie Smith - Cemetery Blues and Graveyard Dream Blues,  _ as well as  _ The Rolling Stones - Dead Flowers.  _

Bessie began to sing

_ I'm going down to the cemetery, _

_ 'Cause the world is all wrong! _

He loved this song ever since Howard had introduced him to it and he couldn’t stop listening to it. He took out his sketching equipment and started to draw whatever came to mind, side profiles, made up characters, his boyfriend, anything his pencil could conjure up at the time. The pencil scratched delicately across the paper and more harshly when he got into the heavier details, like the dark shading on Howard’s moustache. Then he decided to produce a page full of studies of Howard from both images and memory, because he knew his face better than anyone. He smiled down at the page and noticed a drop of rain in the bottom right hand corner, “Ah what?!” He closed his sketch pad, gathered all his pencils, put them in his bag, stood up and left down the path, passing all the headstones as he went. 

* * *

Vince went back to the room and heard Lana singing  _ ‘West Coast.’  _ “I’m back. Started to rain, I’m well pissed, but at least I got to do some sketches.”

“Oh typical British weather ha.” Howard smelt all fresh and sweet, like Jasmine and cotton, all wrapped up in his pink fluffy dressing gown, toasty and warm. 

“Wanna see em?”

“See what?”

“My drawings, you berk!”

“Ah yeah, yeah go ahead.”

He pulled his sketchbook out of his bag and sat down on the bed with Howard to show him, “Right so, this page is like eyes and noses and fings like that yeah?”

“Very nice, so real!”

“Fanks! Then on the next two pages um”, He was getting a bit shy at this point, “Well um, see for yourself.” 

Howard’s eyes were met with delicate pencil sketches of his face, from various different angles, including a selfie he sent to Vince one day. He was flattered and his cheeks turned red, “Oh. Wow. I uh, didn’t realise how much you uh, liked my face.” 

He played with his hair coyly, twisting it around his finger, “I mean it’s a gorgeous face, well handsome.”

“Aw, thank you little man.”

“No prob.” He got up and started to strip off his wet clothing, he really had no shame when it came to getting undressed in front of his boyfriend. 

Howard’s eyes went wide, “Woah now!”

“What? Never seen skin before?”

“I just wasn’t, I didn’t realise you were gonna, just do it right there and then.”

“Where else am I gonna do it? M’not going in the bathroom just to remove my clothes.”

“I’m not asking you to, it was just the shock Sir.”

He laughed and shook his head, then he opened his suitcase to find some pyjamas and put them on in front of Howard, whose cheeks were flushing brighter and brighter with every piece of clothing that came off. Then he put on his red fluffy dressing gown and jumped on the bed next to the love of his life. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Howard lay on his side and brought his arm over Vince’s stomach, hand resting on the bed and Vince shuffled over to meet his face and was bought into a soft slow kiss, hands entangled in each other’s hair. As the kiss picked up they had to break away to gasp for air, because it was becoming passionate. When they stopped, they both felt dizzy with love, Vince felt drunk on the scent of Jasmine and Howard on the flavour of lemonade on Vince’s lips. They both laughed, giddy with love and they pressed their foreheads together gently, before switching the TV on and snuggling up to flick through the channels. 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama class takes place. There's also some more fluff and a discovery is made

1

“LIE ON THE FLOOR AND PRETEND TO BE A PENCIL!” was the instruction given by Drama teacher Montgomery Flange, walking around the space in a flamboyant manner, leading with his chest, one hand behind his back, the other one performing gestures. “Think about what kind of pencil you are. Are you a glittery one? Are you thick or thin? Are you one of those velvety pencils that are so INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT TO SHARPEN! YOU CAN’T TURN THE BASTARDS IF YOU TRIED!” He got infuriated for a moment, then took a breath removing his mid length grey hair from his face, “Anyway are you a double ended pencil? Or maybe you’ve got a rubber on the end?” He put his hands on his hips and commanded the room, walking over to Saboo, bending over to talk to him, “You boy. What kind of stick of lead are you?”

Saboo looked up at him, arms up above his head in a point, legs together, “I’m a tall pencil.”

“Rubbish! I don't believe you boy.! Quick fire questions! Colour?”

“Red.”

“Texture?”

“Rough.”

“Smell?”

“Burnt ash.”

He nodded with his hands clasped behind his back, “Well done boy you’ve passed. What’s your name again?”

“Saboo.”

“Well done Saboo. You are now a pencil. I hope you’re happy with your new profession.”

“Extremely happy Monty.”

Montgomery walked away, “Yes, good. Who will be my next victim?” He walked over to Vince next. “You Sir.” he said pointing at him.

“Wotcher.”

“What ya? What do you mean ‘What ya?’ What ya want? What ya need?”

“Just a greeting Sir. Hi”

“Oh I see, I could never quite keep up with the youth.”

Vince rolled his eyes.

“So give me your pencil story boy.”

“Right ok. So I’m a black, glittery, gofic pencil, that smells like squashed blackberries. I’m smoove as silk, easy to sharpen and some unlucky bugger had a hole in ‘is pencil case and I fell right out. That was me birth, and that’s why I got me leg up like this. I’m a broken pencil, when that kid finds me later, he’s gonna be furious.” 

Monty just stood there blinking rapidly and speechless, “Well that’s what I’m talking about. My goodness, you thought of everything and that is the point of this exercise. Back story.”

Saboo was taking mental notes, “Ohhh I see. Noted.”

“Ok everyone stop being pencils.” Everyone relaxed.

“Now then the rest of you learn from young Vince here, because some of your pencils were awful. When I ask for pencils I want to SEE pencils. I want to be able to pick you up and draw with you.” Then he looked at the clock, “Ok, lesson’s over, well done everyone, I’m looking forward to many more lessons with you.” He smiled.

2

Night time fell, and the stars and moon came out, lighting up the pitch black sky. The sounds that came with the night were owls, the wind whistling through the trees, and giggling. Vince took Howard’s hand and the pair ran across the courtyard, their throats becoming dry in the cold as well as stone cold palms. Vince held on to his hat so that the force of the wind they created as they ran didn't blow it off. 

The two of them rested at an archway in the shadows, so they were now silhouettes.

Howard leaned up against the stone wall and pulled Vince towards him with a little tug. 

“This is well cheeky.” Vince whispered, heart racing as he stood on his tiptoes to reach Howard’s face. 

“Embrasse moi gentiment.” He said seductively, bringing a hand up to his cheek and biting his lip. 

“Avec plaisir.” Replied Vince, closing the gap between them. Their lips met and they kissed each other sweetly, laughing in between little pecks.

When they pulled away Vince ran a final hand up Howard’s chest, then whispered quite flushed, “We should get back inside.”

He turned around with his back facing him but then was swiftly picked up off the ground by Howard going “But what’s your rush, little man?” He said, arms wrapped around Vince’s torso, spinning him around into the middle of the courtyard.

“Hey! Haha!” Vince replied, jaw moving up and down quickly, as he failed to grip his hat causing it to fall to the ground. 

Howard placed him back down, feet firmly on the ground. “Haha. Desole. All full of love.” He smiled with his tongue poking through his teeth. 

“Hehe.” Vince laughed with his teeth together and ran a hand through his hair giving Howard a little hit on the arm. “Help me find my ‘at you idiot. S’dark.” He held out his hand for a phone.

“Ok.” Howard pulled his phone out from his trouser pocket and turned on the torch, then gave it to Vince. 

“Cheers. Right. ‘M gonna go look over by there.”

“Mmm...kay then.” Howard said, lighting a cigarette which illuminated his features in the darkness. 

There was the sound of a rustle of bushes and then Vince’s voice broke, “Um...Oward…?”

“Yeah.”

“Could you come over here a sec please?” Howard sensed a panic in his tone, so stubbed out his cigarette and followed the light across to where he was.

“What’s wron-. Oh my God!” He placed the back of his hand over his mouth and recoiled.

Vince was holding his hat by the brim and trying to catch his breath, his eyes were wide and his face was in shock. 

There, under the bushes was the lifeless body of Rita.

She had one arm with a hand on her stomach while the other one was outstretched and palm up on the grass. One of her shoes was on and the other one was off, her face was as white as a sheet. 

“Should we tell someone?” Vince asked, trying to figure out what they should do next as he knelt down on the grass. 

“Is she…?”

Vince pressed his two fingers to her neck to check her pulse. “Uh huh. Also, Howard, look! Her neck’s all bruised.”

“SHIT.” Howard placed a hand on his forehead, “What do we do?”

“Um...let’s get the head teacher.” Vince put his hat back on his head slowly.

“Ok. Both of us or…?”

“Well…..one of us should probably stay in case…”

“In case what? Hm? In case she gets up and starts doing a little dance?” Howard wiggled his hips in a sarcastic manner.

“No. I mean the murderer always returns to the scene don’t they?”

“Oh you are not leaving me here if that happens, Sir. No way.”

“Wull then...we’ll move her!” Vince went to tuck his hands under her to scoop Rita up, but then Howard cried, “Don’t touch her!”

“What!? What!?” Vince recoiled.

“Finger prints?”

Vince rolled his tongue around the inside of his mouth. “Errrr. Alright, you got gloves?”

Howard shot him a look, “Oh yeah I just bring them with me to make out sessions. ‘Oooo, you know what’ll be really nice when I’m kissing VInce is if I got my thermals on.’”

Vince rolled his eyes, “Sarcy prick!” He frantically checked his pockets, “Luckily I have! Here.”

He handed Howard one of his gloves.

“W-w-w-wait. How’s this gonna work?”

“D’you mean?” Said Vince, his voice becoming slightly more high pitched.

“Well...I mean. We’d have to do it with one hand each, that is not an even distribution of weight Sir.”

“Sometimes I wanna punch you in your vocab. ‘Light as a feather, stiff as a board.’ Ain’t you heard of that?”

“Who are you, Nancy Downs?”

Vince sighed deeply, “Right, I’ll stay here. You go get the head teacher.”

“Much prefer that.” Howard gave him a little tap on the shoulder and legged it across the courtyard.

Vince turned his head and laughed silently as he went, but then as he turned back moving the torch toward the clothes, his smile faded.

His head tilted and he studied the body laying there in front of him. 

He was sure he had seen something like this before. 

Perhaps a dream?

A nightmare?

A book?


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A 1min silence is held for Rita, Saboo is taking things hard and Howard and Vince discover something at the museum...

1

The Headteacher Dennis spoke “Rita was a very bright student, always eager to help people, a lovely young woman. Her smile was as bright as her red hair, she was keen to learn, a philomath in fact. She will be sorely missed. I ask you all right now to please close your eyes and bow your heads as we take a minute silence and remember her.

_1 minute silence_

“Thank you.” Dennis stepped down from the podium.

The students lifted their heads and as Vince’s eyes opened, he noticed someone was missing from the hall. He looked around and gave Howard a nudge, “Where’s Saboo?”

Howard quickly remembered that he was behind them a moment ago and replied “I...I don’t know.”

Saboo was in his dorm, so shaken by the turn of events that he just couldn’t bear to be in that room and hear Dennis speak about her, how lovely she was, how her smile lit up a room. He couldn’t bring himself to turn on the lights, so his features were solely lit by a flickering candle as it rained heavily outside, mirroring the tears falling rapidly from his eyes and down his cheek. Hands through his curls as a look of disbelief crossed his face, tears falling onto his jumper, absorbed by the fabric. He was sad for two reasons, because she was gone and because he had a secret crush on her...

_I had a dream that you were mine_

_I've had that dream a thousand times_

He picked up a cigarette printed with her red lipstick and held it close to his cheek. Fond memories of the time he sat with her in the courtyard as she smoked flashed into his mind, he’d gone to ask her some questions about the academy and she answered them, then she got up, leaving the cigarette on the bench and said to him, “If you ever need anything. You can always come to me.” _‘You can always come to me.’_ Those words tattooed on his heart. Her last words. The last words he’d heard her say. 

_If I had your number, I'd call you tomorrow_

He had so many questions that were left unanswered, all scribbled in his notebook, including ‘ _Do you want to go on a date with me?’_ The one he was most nervous to ask her, but was filled with hope that she’d say yes, because she was very impressed with his knowledge on the history of the academy, he took this as a ‘ _She likes me too.’_

Hamilton Leithauser stopped singing ‘1000 times’ through Saboo’s ipod and he got under the covers and screamed into his pillow. He screamed until his throat hurt, until it burned, then he pulled the covers up over his face and his sadness was suddenly mixed with frustration. “WHO COULD BE SO HEARTLESS?!?!” 

Vince was about to knock on his door, but he’d heard Saboo’s screams come from within, so Howard put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head as if to say, _‘Not a good idea.’_

2

The next day Howard and Vince decided to take a bus to the museum to cheer themselves up a little bit. They’d offered to take Saboo but he wasn’t feeling up to it, he wouldn’t leave his bed, so they respected his privacy and went as a couple. Vince had tied his hair into two buns at the top of his head and flung on a boiler suit, whereas Howard gave himself a side parting and threw on a jumper and jeans. When they got to the museum they walked up the stairs through the double doors, up some more stairs, admiring the painted ceilings and looking at the signs. Howard was holding the map, “Which section do you wanna check out first?” Vince wasn’t answering him, instead he was chewing his nails and staring into space. “Vince?” Howard spoke softly, placing a gentle hand on the little man’s shoulder.

“Wuh?” 

“You ok little man?”

“Wull this was supposed to be a nice day out but…..it don’t feel so nice anymore.”

“I know how you feel Vince. Believe me I feel the same.” He brought him into a hug and lovingly rubbed his arm, “But we just need to take our minds off it for a bit, hmm. Escape from the real world for a while yeah?” 

Vince nodded. “Now let’s look at some art.”

They walked side by side, through to a room with a black and white checkered floor. Inside this room, there were beautiful marble busts and statues depicting elegant ladies and men with strong physiques. Howard and Vince weaved in and out of the statues, playing a little game with each other. 

“Howard look.” Vince’s eyes rolled back into his head and he pretended to grab one of the statue's buttocks. “Woahhh, oi, oi.” He made a crude squeezing gesture and then cackled.

Igniting a simple “Ha!” from Howard, who took his phone out and said “Hold that a minute.” The shutter snapped, “Fantastique.”

Vince skipped over to see the photo, “Haha! That is well genius!”

Howard placed the phone back in his jean pocket and then walked over to a figure that caught his eye. 

Two figures of Cupid and Psyche where she had her head back, revealing her long, elegant neck. Her arms were up above her head, entangling her fingers in Cupid’s hair, who had one arm wrapped across her chest, leant over in what looked like the beginning of a kiss. His wings were in a ‘V’ shape, so delicately carved - the details were beautiful, from the way the material was draped over Psyche’s bottom half to cover her modesty, to the way Cupid’s curls were so lifelike. 

By looking at it, you could tell how much hard work and dedication had gone into creating it. Howard was attracted to the sheer beauty of the two lovers, feeling a sense of clarity when he stared at it, studying it carefully.

Knowing that a phone would destroy the quality, he pulled his pastel blue polaroid out of his satchel and held it up to his face, closing one eye. He lined up the shot with great care and pressed the button down, clicking it as it took a photo.

The photograph came slowly out the top of the camera. “Gorgeous.”

Lost in all the perfection he saw before him, Howard did not realise that Vince had gone to a bench to do some studying of his own. He sat with his sketchbook on his lap, attempting messy sketches of a figurine before him. Vince had taken his art time at museums very seriously so he had his tongue out in total concentration, as well as another pencil tucked into one of his buns atop his head, slightly askew. His fingertips were becoming grey with the led from where he smudged some shading and they almost looked silver by the way the lights from the museum shone onto them.

Howard shook the polaroid as he walked over to him. He decided not to say anything or rush him, so he just let him carry on. Vince would be ready to move on to another part of the museum, when he was absolutely ready.

After a short while, Vince added some final details, then signed the bottom left hand corner of the page with a date. He placed the name of the figurine underneath and then looked up at Howard, who he realised was standing over him. “Where to next?” 

“Oh you finished have you? Haha! Only joking. Looks good!”

“Thanks!” Vince’s face lit up, he loved hearing good things about his art. “Got smudgy fingers.” He wiggled them in Howard’s face “Ooooooo.”

“Don’t touch me with them.” 

“Haha! Ok.” He wiped his hands on his thighs, “So where to?”

Howard consulted the signs, “Pre-Raphaelite section?” He said, placing his hands on Vince’s chest. 

“Read my mind.” Vince reached an arm around Howard’s neck and planted a kiss on his cheek. “J’adore.” Howard nuzzled in then pulled away and tapped his shoulder, hesitating for a bit.

Nope. He wasn’t going to tell him about the pencil, because frankly he looked too damn cute.

In the next room, the walls were blue, with gold frames of various sizes hanging on them. Vince bounced around holding onto his pink kanken backpack in a childlike manner. He studied the paintings, while Howard would read the information to him, taking out his notebook to make bullet points. 

There were quite a few paintings by artists they adored, such as; _Dante Gabriel Rossetti, John Williams Waterhouse_ and _John Everett Millais._

Then they came across _The Death of Chatterton_ by _Henry Wallis_ and Vince’s eyes widened. It was like someone had flicked a switch, turning a lightbulb on over his head. His spine straightened and he began blinking really fast as he noticed that the poet in the painting was wearing the exact same outfit…..

as Rita.

Howard was over by _Ophelia,_ with his fingers stroking his chin as he read the information next to her. “Oh….character from _Hamlet._ Wow! She was picking flowers, then sang opera before she died!” 

Vince felt the warmth as Howard walked back over to him, “That’s interesting init Vince?”

No answer.

“Vince?”

Still no answer.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, little man.”

Vince spoke, eyes still fixed on the painting. “I have.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“Oward. Rita was in the exact same position when we...” He looked around and lowered to a whisper, “found her dead.”

“Mhm.” Howard bit his bottom lip.

“She was wearing the same colours. ‘Is hair is red, her hair was red. ‘Is shirt is white, her shirt was white. ‘Is trousers are purple, her-”

“Her trousers were purple.” Howard cut in.

“See now you’re gettin it. Can’t be no coincidence.” 

“Oh my God. So whoever did this obviously has a passion for art. Maybe someone in art class?”

“Yeah, that narrows it down to about, hmm I dunno. The whole academy!”

“Alright. I see your point. There’s no need to get worked up.”

“Sorry.” Vince put his hands together and bought them up to his lips in concentration. “K, so maybe they’re tryna prove some kinda point or...?”

“They’re just a straight up freak.”

Vince gave a throaty chuckle, “Yeah..maybe. Howard get a pic a this one!”

“On it.” 

Howard took a photo of the painting and when it was developed, he wrote ‘RITA!’ on the back of it, before jamming it into his notebook. 


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard and Vince take a film studies class and discuss suspects at lunch. They also get drunk at the weekend.

1

Film studies took place on the 3rd floor, the class was taught by the Danish film master Jurgen Haabermaaster. “Uh kay class we are guh-ing to watch a clip from Stanley Kubrick’s  _ ‘The Shining.’ _ Specifically the end scene with the maze, spoiler alert if you hawen’t seen it….they all die.” He paused for a moment with a serious look on his face, then chuckled and said, “Haha, only joking.” He stroked his blonde hair and tucked it behind his ear, “Oho, Oh I’m so playful when I want to be.” The class half chuckled.

“Believe me you will all laugh later. Ok so pay viry close attenshun to the kind of shots used. Make notes in your textbooks please. Ok here we go, let’s have fun.” He pressed play on the YouTube clip and adjusted his sunglasses - why he had them on inside was a mystery to everyone. Eyes fixed on the screen everyone took out their pens and made notes based on everything Jurgen said to look out for. After a couple of minutes, watching and scribbling down notes simultaneously, the students were interrupted by the lights coming back on and Jurgen pressing pause on the clip. “Have you got any thoughts in your tiny mind tanks?” 

Howard’s hand shot right up, Jurgen pointed at him, “Yes?”

“Can I just say firstly that I adored your movie ‘The Doctor and The Pencil,’

“You can. Thenk yuh.”

“It was such a work of art. One of my go-to films Sir haha.”

“Very sweet, are yuh guh-ing to share your notes?”

“Hm? Oh yes haha would be an idea wouldn’t it?” He started to read aloud from his notebook, ‘ _ The camera going round the corners of the maze makes us feel claustrophobic, like we’re also being chased and we as viewers are trying to escape Jack too.’”  _

“Ah well done. Anything else?”

_ “‘I feel dizzy when I watch it, because of the constant movement, the back and forth.’  _ That’s um all I’ve got.” he chuckled nervously.

“Beautiful observation.” The class applauded him. “Enywun else?” He noticed Vince was sketching in the corners of his notebook, head down, not making eye contact, so he picked on him, “How abowt yuh Vince?”

Vince put his head up slowly, he was hoping he wouldn’t pick him, because he knew he wasn’t the sharpest knife in the draw and he couldn’t read too well. “Wha?”

“Do yuh want to read owt yuhr scribbly scribbles?”

Vince was getting nervous, chewing on his lip and his palms were also sweaty. “Uh.” He had a brain freeze moment, but suddenly, like a cute little angel, Howard turned around on his chair and looked at Vince behind him, arm leaning on the top of it, smiling at him, deep brown eyes glistening and for a moment everything was ok. Those eyes, that sweet expression said ‘ _ You got this.’  _

Vince smiled back and stopped biting his lip, “Ok Sir. Wull I fought the music added to the tension of the situation, sort of brings forth that feeling of escape.” Howard winked at him and turned back to face the front of the classroom.

Jurgen was impressed, “I’m impressed, well done Vince.” He didn’t think Vince was paying attention when he noticed him sketching, but was pleased he was in his own weird sort of way. “By the way lovely sketches, I like what you’ve got going on in your brain box.”

“Aw thanks Jurgen.”

“Good man.” They only had 5 minutes left so he set them some homework, “Write this down on your tree slices.” he paced back and forth at the front of the class, wagging his finger for emphasis, “I want you to pick a scene from a Drama series and jot down all the different things we’ve discussed, so camera angles, use of music, semiotics, foreshadowing, you know that sort of thing, etcetera, etcetera.” He explained all of this while rolling his wrist loosely, it looked a little bit like the Queen’s royal wave. “Any questions?”

Vince put a nervous hand up, “What does semiotics mean?” This initiated a scoff from a student at the other side of the room. Vince put his head down, suddenly feeling ashamed and like an idiot. He placed his hands in his lap and wiggled his foot under the table. 

“No no no none of that please. We’re all here to learn.” he looked at Vince to reassure him, “Don’t worry Vince we’re not all born knowing everything. I myself have dyscalculia nat a lotta people knuw thet, but I still make films, doesn’t stop you doing what you love.” He pointed at the student that laughed, “I’m making yuh watch an Adem Sandler moveh and I want a full analysis.” He put his sunglasses up, “And if anyone else wants to act like a dick, you can join him, little watch party, Adem Sandler club with zero members, I will not be joining. I will not drink the cool aid.” He made a zero gesture with his fingers. “Am I coming in clear in your ear?” The boy and the whole class nodded, then he put his sunglasses back down, “Ok. Now that the goat has been shaved, class dismissed, Also Vince I will give you a print out, will you stay back at the end please?”

Vince nodded head still down. Howard walked past him, books in his hand and ruffled his boyfriend’s hair, “I’ll wait for you in the canteen. Au revoir.”

Vince smiled and as Howard and the other students left and the door closed, Jurgen and Vince had a heart to heart. 

2

Howard was sitting in the canteen eating a veggie loaf version of a roast dinner, along with a vegetarian gravy. He was also reading a hardback copy of  _ The Catcher In The Rye  _ set out on the table next to him. Howard lifted his fork to shove some mash potato in his mouth, then reached his other hand up and gave his moustache a little scratch. He turned the page, filling his nostrils with the wonderful sensation of bibliosmia, and a little smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Howard looked up to see Vince walking towards him. 

“Oh, hey! It’s Stevie Nicks. Big fan.”

“Haha!” Vince swished his long, flowy skirt around. “‘ _ Mmmm just like a white wing dove sings a song, sounds like she’s singin…’  _ Thanks Howard, m’ feeling better now.” He sat down. 

“Yeah? Good chat with Jurgen?” He stuck a fork in a roast potato and placed a bookmark between his pages. 

“Uh huh. He told me-” He reached across the table and pinched some of Howard’s veggie loaf. His face changed like he was sucking on a lemon. “Eeurrrgh, that is well rank, fought that was chicken.” He bought his hand up to his mouth, like he wanted to spit it out. 

“Veggie Loaf, little man. Hahaaaa!” Howard laughed triumphantly sticking his tongue out between his teeth. 

“Wull anyway, he told me not to pay no attention to them other students, cos they’re the ones that fail.”

“Ok, good!”

“And he said that his door is always open for a chat, then he gave me a hug. Haha! He smelt like Lynx Africa, imagine that.”

Howard almost choked on his Yorkshire pudding, that was the funniest thing he had ever heard.

“So…” Howard lowered his voice to a whisper. “Any uh..suspects yet?”

“Scoff boy.”   
“Scoff boy? Little Jimmy scoffer.”

They broke into a mini crimp. 

_ ‘Little Jimmy Scoffer, whatcha got to offer? _

_ Laughing his head off at the back of the classroom.’  _ The last line was done in a deep voice. 

“No, but seriously why do you think it’s him?” Howard asked while Vince got his lunch box out.

“I dunno, just thought with an attitude like that maybe he would kill. He’s got killer’s eyes.” Vince pointed at his eyes in a serious but jokey way. 

“Right. So you’ve got no suspects?”

“No, not really no. You?” He bit into his cheese and pickle sandwich. 

Howard swallowed his food, “What about Angel? She’s pretty quiet.”

“I didn’t think about Angel actually! It is always the quiet ones.”

“Yeah. Silent...”

“But deadly...”

“Like a…...fart..”

They both burst out laughing, Vince threw his head back and Howard hit the table with his hand. 

“Hoo!” Vince wiped a tear from his eye, “Anyway, we are not getting anywhere here...” He bit his lip. “Café?”

“Please.”

“Ideas flow better in a café, it's a fact!”

* * *

They began discussing things over two steaming mugs of cappuccino.

“So, Angel. Shoot.” Vince blew into his mug.

“OK.” Howard stirred some sugar into his hot beverage. “So she’s a senior student. Which means she was possibly close to Rita. Friends. Enemies. Maybe some kind of argument? Jealousy. Maybe a boyfriend, girlfriend…?”

“M’ thinkin argument. Maybe they were drunk and it got violent or sumfin. Could also be why she had one shoe off. Haha! I’ve had many a night where I end up like that.” He said the last part into his cup. 

“True. True.” Howard took a sip of coffee and then placed the mug down, picking his phone up from the table. “I’m texting Saboo to come meet us.” He could hear Vince trying to stifle a chuckle from behind his coffee. “What?”

“Hehehe. You’ve got froffy tash. Haha!”

“That was my stripper name.” He raised an eyebrow. 

“HAHAAAAA!”

“Yeah, that’s one a mine, Sir.”

“Genius.”

Howard wiped his moustache with a tissue and the owner of the cafe walked over to their table. 

“Hi guys can I get you anything else?” Her name was Penny and she ran this cosy little café,  _ ‘Penny’s Pastries.’ _

Vince spoke softly, the way he always did when he met new people. “Hi lovely, um can we have 2 slices of pumpkin pie please?”

“Course you can, hun! Is that with cream or without cream?”

“Errr. Howard?”

“Let’s go with it, why not?”

“Ok. I will get that out to you shortly.”

“Thanks darling.” Vince smiled, licking his lips as she left, he was naturally flirtatious; he couldn’t help it. 

“Tart.”

“Oi!”

Howard leaned in close and gestured with his eyes, so as not to look suspicious. “Vince, what about her?”

“She’s well gorgeous. I’m having a biromantic moment-”

“No I mean, the murderer…”

“Ohhhh.” He looked over “D’you think? Why?”

“I don’t know!” Howard whined, his shoulders going up and down on the o sounds. “I dooooon’t knoo-ho-ho-ho-hooow!” It sounded like he was laughing.

“Howard you’re getting hysterical.” Vince reached across the table and placed his hand over his boyfriend’s. 

Howard sighed deeply, “I know.” he squeezed his hand and Penny came back with the orders. 

“Two slices of pumpkin pie with whipped cream. Enjoy!”

“Thank you so much, looks delicious.” Howard and Vince scrambled for words, trying to act natural and like they hadn’t just suspected this girl. “Oooo, mama that is.” “Look at the colours on that!”

Penny walked away with a hand on her heart with pride. 

“We’re getting too worked up over this Oward.”

Just then Angel walked into the café. The boys watched her every move, but all she did was order a soy latte to go and then walked back out the door once it arrived. 

Howard did a French accent, stroking his chin. “Suspicious, no?”

“Alright, Poirot.”

  
  


3

The bell above the door rang, making the boys turn to see who it was. It was Saboo but he looked different. Instead of woolly cardigans and jumpers, he wore a long black coat. It had a black jumper with a white shirt collar poking out from the neck underneath and he also wore a fedora. 

He walked slowly over to the guys, as they waved at him. Then he pulled up a chair and sat down. “Thanks for inviting me guys, I was feeling a bit suffocated.”

“Hey, that’s alright Sir. Always welcome to share a coffee with us.”

Now that Saboo was closer, Howard noticed he had eyeliner on and that his nails were painted black, as he pushed up his glasses. 

“What drink would ya like Saboo? I can go up and order it for you?”

“That’s very kind, thanks Vince! I’ll just have a mocha please.”

“Kay. Decaf?”

“Yes please.”

Vince got up from his chair, “No problemo, be back in a sec.”

“So…” Howard drummed his fingers on the table, “weather’s nice. Well. I mean it’s Autumn so it’s rainy, but it’s nice...ahem.”

There was a silence and all you could hear was the jazz music playing from a speaker in the corner of the ceiling. Howard wasn’t very successful when it came to making small talk, but he tried. He clucked his tongue and looked around ruffling his hair.

Luckily Vince came back and handed Saboo his coffee, to which Howard’s inner thoughts were  _ ‘Oh thank God!’  _ This wasn’t anything against Saboo, it was simply due to the fact that Howard was socially awkward and when they went out it was usually Vince that did the talking.

Saboo nodded and a small, quiet “Thanks” escaped from his lips.

Vince sat back down next to Howard, noticing Saboo’s melancholy expression and body language, “We are trying to figure this out. Me and ‘Oward we’ve been on it like a car bonnet.” He looked at Saboo, his big blue eyes glistening and reassuring, “Promise we’ll work this out ok?”

Saboo nodded, slightly smiling down at his mocha.

“If you uh don’t mind us asking, why did her death affect you so much Sir?”

“Well. She was such a lovely person and that’s what attracted me to her….her….loveliness. She was so warm and friendly, beautiful inside and out. I…..” tears pricked at his eyes and his voice was breaking.

Vince reached a comforting hand over the table, “Oh hun.”

“Sorry.” He sniffed, “I...love...loved her...so much and I know it’s a bit pathetic.” He wiped his eyes under his glasses.

Howard replied “No it’s fine.”

“If you guys can figure this out, not just for me, you know. I’ll be so grateful.” His voice sounded even more nasal now due to the fact he was crying, it was like he had a cold. 

“Well we ain’t no detectives or nuffin’ but we’ll do our best.”

Saboo smiled, looked at his coffee and said, “Thanks guys, you’re real friends.” He picked up his mocha and stood up, “I’m um...I’m gonna take this coffee back to my room.” He waved them goodbye and he left through the door.

4

It was the weekend so Howard and Vince left the academy and went to their favourite place. They settled down on the old tea cup ride back at the abandoned fairground, they were sharing a cup and Vince was applying a deep burgundy colour to Howard’s nails.

“Whoops sorry ‘Oward haha I got some on your fingers.” He began to gently wipe around his nail with his thumb.

Howard looked at him while his head was down. “You’re a mess, you know that?”

Vince looked up and smiled, “Yes, haha!” 

Howard was shaking his head, “I don’t know why I agreed to this.”

“What d’you mean? It suits you.”

“I don’t pull it off as well as you do.”

“Oi hush your mouth. I know what works and what don’t. You look like a berry tree haha.”

A small chuckle escaped from Howard’s lips, “That’s a compliment is it?”

“Yes, now keep your hands still yeah?”

“Oh but my moustache itches.” Vince pulled a face that looked like the face you make when you stub your toe. “Haha, only joking little man.”

“So any foughts on the whole Rita thing?”

“I’d rather not bring it up on the weekends. It’s our chill time you know?”

“Fair enough. Just asking.”

Howard was humming along to  _ Hidden Place  _ by  _ Björk,  _ which was playing from Spotify on his phone. Swaying along and tapping his thighs like a drum, Vince looked up at him, screwing the top back on the bottle of nail varnish with a serious look. “Do NOT smudge ‘em. I swear to Jagger”, he was pointing for emphasis.

Howard just scrunched his nose at him and carried on singing and swaying, 

_ 'Now I’ve been slightly shy _

_ And I can smell a pinch of hope….' _

Vince took two small bottles of alcohol out from under the seat, “Ere’s one I made earlier haha.” He held them up and shook them with his tongue out. “Yeah?”

“Oh yeah little drinky Sir.” He checked if his nails were dry and they were, so he took the bottle off Vince, “Merci beaucoup.” He was confused as to how Vince got the bottles under the teacup seat, but also impressed.

Vince popped the lids off using his keychain bottle opener, then he put it back in his jean pocket. “Don’t drink it all at once cos we gotta be able to walk ‘ome and the last time I tried to carry you my legs were shaking like a leaf.”

“Good point.” They clinked their bottles together, “A Votre Santé.” They both took a sip.

“That is well nice.” Vince said, licking his lips.

“Mmm delicious stuff Sir oh yes.”

“Hehe you gettin loose already Jazzy man?” 

“It just tastes nice.” He closed his eyes and winced, “Actually it’s starting to go to my head a bit. Should we go?”

“Yeah sure, don’t forget your phone.” He said as he was starting to stand up.

“Ah thank you little man.”

“Also your nails look gorgeous.” Vince was starting to loosen up too as he stumbled a bit when he stood up. “Yeah they look uh….fantastique or summin.” 

Howard just smiled flicking his tongue over his incisor, “Thank you, yeah it’s growing on me.” He held Vince’s hand, “Come on let’s get out of here.”

They walked hand in hand over the bridge, that was decorated with fallen leaves, red, orange, yellow, it was like it was on fire. The water underneath, still with koi fish swimming gracefully. They stopped for a moment to take it all in and listen to the birds chirping sweetly in the trees.

  
  


* * *

When the boys got into their house, Howard chucked the keys onto the side table while Vince went upstairs and flopped forwards onto the bed. 

He lay there for a while breathing deeply and giggling into the duvet a little. His ears pricked up as he heard a record coming from downstairs and he recognised the instrumental intro. It was  _ Pokey LaFarge’s Rock Bottom Rhapsody.  _

As Vince descended the staircase to the front room, Howard was bopping in the living room clicking his fingers and taking a swig out of his bottle of alcohol. He called Vince over by gesturing with his fingers and biting his lip, which Vince blushed at - Howard had never looked so beautiful, his hair was flopping into his eyes and his shirt was half open.

“Oww. Chicka Chickaaa!” Howard attempted to remove his braces by hooking his thumb under the material and pulling them down “Sexy, yeah?” 

“You are so pissed!” Vince shouted as the music got louder, and he walked over to him to have a boogie as  _ Fuck Me Up _ began to play.

Vince raised his bottle in the air and then moved his hips side to side, with the other hand on the front of his hip.

They both shouted the lyrics, taking swigs in between. 

_ I want something to fuck me up _

_ Need somebody to fuck me up _

_ Everyone feels like it _

_ Fuck me up, fuck me up, fuck me up... _

Howard swung his arms around and then drew a hand across his face with his eyes closed, popping his hips. 

_ Well I might go and get drunk and stoned _

_ 'Cause it's better than being only crazy… _

Vince laughed merrily as Howard scooped him up in his arms and placed him on the sofa, positioning himself on top. 

Vince looked up at him still singing in a slurred manner, moving his hair back from his forehead. “Fuhhmeup!” 

Howard traced his fingers around Vince’s lips and he bit them in an animalistic way. Howard chuckled merrily too, they were both now completely drunk and they kissed passionately. They took mini gasps of air in between before Howard broke up the kiss and moved down to Vince’s neck. This made him laugh as it tickled with the moustache as Howard began to leave love bites all around the collarbone, but he couldn’t get to his chest due to the jumper so Vince pulled it out from the back of his jeans and pulled it swiftly over his head. 

“Vous êtes si belle mon amour.” Howard whispered, surprisingly coherently considering he was drunk, and began to suck at Vince’s chest, while he was in an absolute moment of bliss. When Howard spoke French it drove him crazy, and that mixed with drunk was a very giddy feeling indeed. 

“Thas sweet.” Vince said closing his eyes and biting his lip, he was enjoying this so much he gripped onto Howard’s brace for comfort. Howard didn’t manage to get the right one off.

Vince gasped, almost sounding hungry, “Mm, say somefin else Oward.”

“J’adore ta poitrine.” 

Vince ran a hand through his hair as Howard moved back up to his neck. “More.” He gasped.

Howard giggled, he didn’t realise how much Vince was enjoying this, but he loved it. So leant up and whispered “Aimes-tu ça?” right into his ear. 

“Nuva one?” Vince said cautiously. 

“Greedy.”

“Right fine. Whashis!” Vince said sitting up as his voice got deeper and he wiggled out from underneath Howard. He straddled Howard and then undid some shirt buttons, but then changed his mind, “Achly.”

“Whatyadoin?” Howard was concerned as he saw Vince move lower than his chest while tucking hair behind his ear (which was pointless, as it was everywhere).

Vince tugged at the waistband of Howard’s jeans and asked “Yeah?”

Howard sternly went “No.”

“Fair nuff.”

Howard thought drunk Vince was so funny, he was like a painter trying to figure out where to start with the canvas first. 

Howard turned to the side and lit a cigarette from his pocket, watching out for Vince’s hair.

He had his tongue out in concentration then went, “I know! I knooowww. Haha!” Howard felt a tug at his shirt and then some buttons being undone from the bottom. This was followed by a hot breath over his stomach as Vince prepared to leave  _ his  _ lovebites. 

Howard exhaled smoke into the air with the other hand ruffling Vince’s hair. 

“Mmmm ‘SitfeelgoodOward?” He asked, sounding slightly like a pornstar. 

Howard took another inhale. “Mmm.” Then he exhaled, stubbed out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray and let himself sink into the feeling. “Love..you...Vince…”

“I love..you..too...Oward..

Their voices trailed off and soon they were asleep with Vince using Howard’s soft tummy as a pillow. 

The record crackled as it ended and there was a gentle sound of breathing, which quickly turned into heavy snoring. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We had a blast writing these two drunk. They're such idiots in love haha. Also so sorry for Jurgen's dialect we tried haha.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Art class with Old Gregg and Vince overhears something at a party.

1

Old Gregg, the art teacher was staring at his students in quite a creepy way which made them all look down, one student pretended to see something out the window, another twiddled a pencil, and another looked up at the ceiling. He was quiet for what felt like 20 minutes, then he said, “Hi there.”

They all nervously smiled and he continued, “Do you like my dress? Old Gregg’s got himself a new dress. I went to the vintage shop, £12.99, reduced price. I got a bargain. I even had enough for Baileys.”

This was certainly an interesting way to introduce yourself as a teacher.

“Let's loosen up a little, hmmm, everyone stand up.”  _ Super Freak  _ by  _ Rick James  _ came blasting out the speakers as he pressed play on the computer, “Guys like the funk?”

Howard looked over at Vince and noticed he was dancing, “Really?”

“What? It's catchy.” Vince had a polo neck jumper on today, due to the love bites that Howard left on his neck, he bit his lip when he realised why.

Old Gregg got up on the table, revealing his high heeled boots, put his hands up in the air and bellowed, “I’M OL’ GREEEEEEGG! I’M YOUR ART TEACHER MOTHA LICKERS.” 

Vince was dancing like Stevie Nicks, lost in the music, Howard could swear he heard an echo, the teacher was THAT loud and he stayed sat down along with Saboo. When the song finished Gregg got down off the table and started groaning, “Oh wow. What a rush, did you feel the funk. Did you taste it’s sweetness? Knocking on your ear canal. Knock knock. Who’s there? It’s the funk mother licker.”

You could almost hear crickets. “That was an exercise hmm, little exercise, get you movin, get you groovin. I wanted to loosen you up to get the creativity flowin’ through you, like electricity.” He started to strut around the classroom, weaving in and out of the tables, “When you paint, ya gotta be free hmmm, you gotta move around, don’t be afraid to make mistakes. I make mistakes all the time.” He handed out paint brushes, canvases and palettes, “I want you to choose an emotion and paint it. Don’t be afraid to get up and grab some paints from the cupboard over there.” The students now all had their art equipment on their tables and all they had to do was fill their pots with water and choose some paint. Howard went to the cupboard to grab some brown paint as he chose the emotion moody and Vince took some yellow paint, because he chose happiness.

“Look Howard. Like the sunshine haha. Cos the sun’s happy ain’t it?” 

“You’re adorable.”

Vince was slashing paint around, flicking the end of the brush onto the canvas, painting thick lines across the page, he even stood on the stool to look at it from above. Then he painted circles of orange and pink in the corners using his fingers, it was like he had music playing in his head. Howard on the other hand stared at the canvas for about 5 minutes going, “Where the fuck do I start?”

“Having some trouble Howard?” The teacher asked him.

Howard jumped and looked at him, “Yeah, no, uh, yeah, yes I am.” he started to rub his neck nervously, “I just um, a blank canvas I…?”

“Wanna know what I do?”

“What?”

“I don’t think about it too much.”

“Oh right, yeah that doesn’t really help me much Sir.”

“If that doesn’t work get drunk. Loosens you up. I like Baileys. Nothin better than creamy beige.”

“Is that so? Well I never would’ve guessed you liked Baileys.” He was being sarcastic.

Vince looked over and noticed Howard, “Whatsa matter wiv you? You look like you’re bout to cry?”

“I’m just stuck. Ok Vince I’m really stuck here Sir.”

“Want my advice?”

“I crave it like banana loaf.”

“Close your eyes yeah? Then just paint onto the canvas, while really channeling the emotion yeah?” He patted him on the back, but then remembered he had paint all over his fingers, “Woops haha. Sorry ‘Oward.”

“Why? What’ve you done?”

Vince put his teeth together and hissed, “Nevermind just get on with your painting yeah? Woah-ho!” He sat back down and flicked his paintbrush like he was a magician.

Howard never understood how Vince was always so free with his art, how it came so easily to him to just let go. Eventually he dipped his paintbrush into some brown paint, closed his eyes, like Vince said, and let it glide across the canvas like he was playing jazz, which he liked to listen to when he was moody anyway so he was definitely channeling the emotion. He was really starting to let go, he was even humming some  _ Miles Davis  _ song to himself.

“That’s amazing well done Howard.” he got a compliment from Old Gregg which made him feel better about himself, he even started to play air guitar with his eyes closed and he bit his lower lip, he was suddenly in his bedroom, no one else was there, just him and his guitar  _ Woody _ , named so because of its wood chips on the back.

The teacher walked around to Saboo’s table and pointed at his canvas, “Rita? Aw is she your muse?”

Saboo had written Rita in black paint all over the canvas and streaked in different shades of blue for the background. “I’ve chosen the emotion upset, because ever since Rita died I’ve been sad so I thought I would channel that and honour her memory.”

“Aw Saboo. That’s sweet. I can tell it’s sadness.”

“Thank you Sir. I’m going to put it on her altar in the hallway.”

“Good idea.” He walked away then addressed the classroom, “Ok everyone, paintbrushes down. I’m impressed. I can feel a lot of emotions, well done. Now we have a special guest, we’re gonna do some life drawing. Let me introduce Tristan.” 

A black, muscular man with an afro walked in with a dressing gown and waved at the class, he sat on a stool at the front of the classroom and when the dressing gown dropped to the floor Old Gregg’s tongue came out. “It’s gettin hot in here.” He started to fan himself and bite his lip. He quickly recollected himself and said, “Anyway I want you to sketch Tristan in pencil as best as you can.”

Howard was slightly blushing at the sight of the body in front of him and he pinched his moustache between his thumb and forefinger and flashed a wolfy grin. Vince noticed and looked at him, laughing, moving his shoulders up and down, then looking back at his paper, then at the model, then at his paper and so on. Howard’s eyes were finally cast down at his paper, he held out a pencil and closed one eye, because he’d seen it in films, he wasn’t sure what it actually did but he needed a starting point. Old Gregg was in the corner hiding not so subtly behind a piece of A4 paper, smiling with his eyes at the male model, and after a while he slid up to him and said, “You ever been to a club where people wee on each other?” followed by, “Do you like Baileys? Have you ever drunk Baileys from a shoe?” and “I do watercolours.” 

The lesson was over, so they all put their pencils down and Tristan put his robe back on and left the room, as he did Old Gregg said, “See you at home. We’ll make a sweet love.”

2

  
  


The music was pumping, some students were gathered in the main room of the hall that they had rented out for Angel’s birthday, a few were outside smoking. Some even seeked a hiding place so that they could make out and spend time in the shadows with the one they loved.

It was a few months after the death of Rita, and Angel, one of the other older students, was throwing a party for her 22nd. 

A student stood in the middle of the room, with others circling around him. “Happy birthday, to a gorgeous, wonderful woman. Angel.” He pointed to her with his glass. “We love ya.”

Everyone raised their glasses and shouted “WOOOOOO!”

“Awww thanks so much everyone. Oh I wish Rita was here, she loved Prosecco.” Angel dropped her head and then raised it, along with her glass, “To Rita!”

“TO RITA!” Everyone echoed, clinking their flutes. 

Vince was on the dancefloor, twirling around with an empty glass. He was wearing his flowy dress, so he thought it’d be best to move it around the way it was intended as he sang along to  _ The Human League. _

“Don’t ya want meee? Ohhhhhhhhhh!”

Just then, Vince was woken up from his trance when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He spun around to face ‘Little Jimmy Scoffer.’ 

“Hi. Vince, right?” He spoke loud over the music.

“Errrrr.” He tried not to show his disgust, this guy spoke quite posh.

“Look, I wanted to say I’m sorry for. Well, taking the piss really.” He placed his hand on his heart so he was being sincere. “It was rude of me and I. I’m...my Dad also has dyslexia so I have NO right, whatsoever.”

“Alright, cool. Fanks mate!” Vince gave him a little smile. “What’s your name by the way?”

“Oh it’s James, but people call me Jimmy.”

“Ah.” Vince stopped dancing to the music. He didn’t know what to say, so just went, “Nice!”

“Anyway. See you round Vince. Enjoy the party.”

Vince went for his glass, but then remembered it was empty. “Yeah cheers.”

Jimmy walked away to the food table and Vince spoke to himself, taking the mick out of his accent. He looked very weird with an empty glass, rambling on. “Ohhhh enjoy the partayy Vince, My Dad’s in a chess club. He’s got dyslexiahhhhhh.” He said the last bit right into his glass. “Prick. I still don’t ‘ave a fuckin drink!” He began to walk over to get some more, but then an arm appeared in front of his face with a crescent moon on the wrist. “Heyyyy. Drink?”

“You’re a Godsend, love.”

“Yep that’s me.”

“Haha! M’ gonna go get some air.” Vince gestured to one of the fire exits and then leant up to kiss Howard on the cheek and  _ Memorabilia _ by Soft Cell played from the speakers. 

“K babe. I collect. I reject dadadadeeee, memorabilya.” Howard was cutting shapes in a box shape in front of his face and nodding his head.

Vince laughed as he slipped away to sit on the steps outside.

But as he was about to sit down, he saw that Angel was in the car park on the phone looking rather agitated. So he hid behind a statue. 

She was shifting from foot to foot and chewing her lip anxiously. “FUCKIN BULLSHIT!” She placed a hand on her afro, wiggling it slightly. 

“NO…..Because we had a deal!.....Well, why did you make ME do it?” 

Vince had no clue who was on the other end of the phone but he was pretty sure it was a suspect. He pulled his phone out from his pocket and opened his ‘Voice Recorder App.’

Angel bit a thumbnail and then folded her arm under her elbow. “SO!?....She DIDN’T deserve it. D’you know what? FUCK YOU! It’s my birthday and I’m gonna fuckin well enjoy it!” She hung up furiously and then did her best to hide the anger, by brushing off her party dress and shaking her shoulders. She walked as calmly as she could, back inside to the party. 

Vince saw her coming his way, so he dropped to the ground and made for the fire exit. 

“What are you doin?”

Vince looked up slowly and saw Angel towering over him, raising an eyebrow. 

“Uh. I. uh, lost my glasses. M’ just lookin for my glass-”

“They’re on your face.” Angel chuckled.

Vince touched his face.“Oh! Is that where they’ve gone?! ‘M drunk. ‘M very drunk.”

“Well, don’t say out here too long. You’ll catch your death.”

_ Death _ . God, that word sounded so ominous.

“Fanks.” Vince said standing up, dusting off his tights. “Happy Birfday by the way.”

“Thanks.” Angel eyed him as he staggered back inside.

Vince sighed when he was back at the hall, Howard was there absolutely plastered though which made him smile. He had a few shirt buttons undone and his bowtie was draped over his shoulders. He was nursing a bottle of Jack Daniels and pointing to the air with his head drooping as he mumbled along to the song that was playing. 

“Psycho killuh, ques ka say.” Then getting louder, “FA FA FA FA FA. FA FA FA FA FA FA BETTUH.”

“Oward?” 

“Hey Vince. Vincey. My moon, my light, my ocean.” He almost whispered the last bit. Howard got really complementary and affectionate when he was drunk, the complete opposite of Vince. He began caressing his face with his forefinger and raising his eyebrows, flashing a wolfish grin. “Ssson ya mind. Sonya? Sonny Jim-my boyyyy-hahaaa!”

“Oward, you are shit faced. I’ve got something to tell you.” He shook his face away. 

“Huh?” Howard started to listen but then was taken by the beat, dancing like Rick Astley. “Woahhh. Heyyy. PSYCHO KILLUHH. Dee da dee. Fa fa...” He carried on singing the French bit as Vince just gave up, rolling his eyes and said, “D’you know what? Forget it. I’ll meet you back at the Academy? In our room?”

“Mmmmm. Ayyyyy am walkin ‘ome, little man. Walkin the walk n talkin the talk.”

“See you later, Mr. Jazz.”

“Au revoir, mon amour. haHA!” He blew a sloppy kiss. 

When Vince got back to their room, he had to settle his mind. He had heard what sounded like quite a heated phone conversation.

Who could that have been on the other end of the phone? Had they killed Rita?

He decided to whack his laptop on and go to Netflix for some  _ Bob Ross: The Joy Of Painting _ to calm himself down. 

3

Howard got a lift from Saboo last night, back to his room. He had stumbled in at about 2 o’clock in the morning and was only speaking french, Vince translated it and it was basically ‘I love chocolate’, to which he rolled his eyes. After this he’d dropped to the floor and began crawling while singing,

‘ _ Non, rien de rien. Non, je ne regrette rien…..  _ Or something that closely resembled the song anyway as it was slurred. 

* * *

In the morning Vince woke up and looked for Howard as he wasn’t next to him, however when he looked at the floor he was there, face down, cheek pressed to the hardwood floor, a puddle of drool, still in his clothes and shirt cuff button undone in what look liked an attempt to try and remove his shirt. Vince swung his legs round so that they were dangling over the edge of the bed and touched Howard’s cheek with his toe, “Oward. ‘Oward.” He spoke softly to try and wake him up gently but he didn’t stir so Vince jumped off the bed, got down to his boyfriend’s level and lowered himself to the floor on his stomach. 

He started to pet Howard’s hair lightly whispering, “Babe. S’morning.” He was going to speak loudly in his ear but he remembered how much Howard had drunk last night and thought he would definitely have a hangover. Howard just replied with a low grunt, that was so deep in his chest it vibrated through the floor and he twitched his moustache, this made Vince giggle and he gently combed his moustache with the back of his index finger which Howard kissed, or tried to and actually ended up slobbering all over.

Vince laughed and wiped his finger on the back of Howard’s shirt, “Take that back and all.”

Howard eventually got himself up off the floor and as he did Vince noticed that half of his shirt buttons were also undone, revealing some chest. “Did you get hot last night? haha.” 

“Hm?” He looked down to see his open shirt, “Oh merde!” He brought a hand up to his head and hissed in pain, Vince had the kettle on and to Howard it sounded like the royal philharmonic orchestra playing in his head, “Christ”, he slowly stood up, stumbling slightly, “I’m going to the bathroom. I need the toilet.” He limped to the bathroom due to the fact he had one shoe on and Vince just shook his head and put  _ ‘Come Away With Me’  _ by  _ Norah Jones  _ on their record player at a low volume, so it was just a hum.

Meanwhile Howard was rinsing his mouth out with some mouthwash, swishing it around in his cheeks and gargling. He took a flannel and washed his face, blinking at his reflection in the mirror trying to get everything into focus, then he turned the shower on, stripped down and stepped in. 

The door was slightly ajar, Vince lightly knocked on it, “Just so you know your black coffee’s on the table.” He had just caught Howard stepping into the shower so he blushed when he saw his peach and Howard replied in a gruff voice, “Thanks little man.”

Vince walked out biting his lip, “No. Thank you haha.” He sat at the coffee table in the kitchen area and sipped his coffee, then he put his glasses on and had a scroll through his instagram and took a morning selfie.

Howard walked in wearing a towel around his waist all shower fresh, smelling like peaches, drying his hair with a towel. He planted a kiss on Vince’s cheek and joined him at the table, “Hey.”

“Alright?” He passed the cup of coffee over to him.

“Ah thanks.”

“No prob.”

Howard noticed he was pouting at his phone, “You uh, taking selfies?”

“I look well cute in the morning. I have to share it with the world.” He placed his phone on the table and noticed Howard yawning. “Did you have a nice sleep?”

“Hm? Oh yeah. Slept like a baby.”

“I’m glad.” He took another sip of coffee, “Listen, while you were off getting plastered, I went out to get some fresh air right?”

“Yeah”, he slurped his coffee.

“And I saw Angel in the car park”, he leaned forward, “But get this Howard, she was having some kinda argument wiv someone.”

“Mm?” He swallowed his mouthful of coffee.

“She was saying fings like, ‘Why did you make  _ me  _ do it?’ and ‘But we had a deal.’”

“Oh. Wow. Do you know who she was talking to?” he rubbed his forehead.

Vince sat back in his chair, picking up his mug, “Ats the fing. I dunno who was on the other end. She never said a name.” Vince was stirring his coffee with a spoon and the sound of the metal against the mug was grating to Howard.

“Could you not.”

“Oh sorry. I forgot.” he got up cautiously so he didn’t scrape the chair, “I’ll make you some toast.”

“Cheers.” He was drying his hair with one hand and walked to the wardrobe, taking out a burgundy turtleneck and placing it on the bed, he started to dry his torso with his towel, letting it hang down, just low enough to protect his modesty, Vince thought he looked like a painting in a museum, whenever he was fortunate enough to see this. 

Vince put the toast on a plate and laid it on the table, placing it as carefully as possible so he didn't scrape it against the wood. Howard walked out of the bedroom, fully clothed, hair curly where it was still a bit damp and smelling like he was straight out of a French New Wave movie.

“Alright Alain Delon? That’s a strong smell.”

“Yeah, it’s better than smelling like alcohol though haha.” He took a piece of toast from the plate, “Thanks for the toast my love.”

“You’re welcome.” 

Howard took a bite and it made a loud crunch noise, “Did you say you didn’t know who was on the other end?” He spoke with his mouth full, leaning against the kitchen counter top.

“Yeah.” 

He wiped some crumbs from his moustache, “I was thinking...maybe if we had Angel’s phone somehow…” He swallowed, “We could find out who she was talking to. The time, the name, how many times they’ve spoken.”

“Wow. Someone’s brain’s working again haha. That was decaf coffee you know?”

“And I thank you for it Sir", he raised his eyebrows and bit into another piece of the crunchy toast.

Vince’s hands were drumming on the table, “So how should we do it?” he pushed his glasses up.

“Leave that to me Sir.  Dans la plénitude du temps.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saboo attempts a diversion, there's more soft Howince and Howard has a revelation.

1

It was the end of Drama and the boys went out for break time, closely following wherever Angel went. Eventually she settled at the lounge on site, so the boys did too, putting their books in front of their faces whenever she turned around.

Howard whispered, “Ok Saboo, d’you know what you gotta do?”

“Yep! You want me to create a diversion, then you guys swoop in and grab the phone.” Saboo replied quietly.

“Brilliant!”

“Kiss ‘er if you ‘ave to.” Vince said flashing a rather perverted smile.

“No. Vince. No.” Howard said sternly. 

“Alright calm down!” Then he tapped Saboo on the shoulder, “Work your magic Saboo.”

Saboo nodded, fixed his fedora and walked over to Angel with a confident strut. 

She was on her phone, typing quite fast, while drinking a J20 through a straw. 

“Hi Angel, mind if I sit down?”

“Oh hey Saboo! Yeah sure, sit!” She moved over a little, making space for him to sit down next to her. 

“Thanks!” He hesitated for a while because he didn’t know what to say to start his conversation, let alone the diversion.

“You ok?”

Saboo scrunched his nose and replied, tossing his hand. “Yeahhhh, absolutely gold. I just wanted to know where you got that jumper from. It’s really cute with all the….cats on it.”

Angel raised her eyebrow.

“Oh! It’s for my sister. She loves cats!” He said resting an arm on the back of the leather chair.

“Haha! Right! Yeah sure, um I got it from a vintage shop called ‘This Old Thing.’ They’re really cool!”

“Oh I’ll have to pop in soon, her birthday is coming up.”

“Yeah. They do really nice jumpers, ones with cats, ones with dogs, some cosy Christmas ones. Defo check them out.”

He nodded, “I will do just that.”

She laughed and took a sip of her drink.

Saboo was starting to sweat, “Um, Angel?”

“Mhm?”

“Could we talk a bit more privately, if you don’t mind?”

“Is that code for, _‘shall we make out?’_

It was like a record cut in Saboo’s head, “Umm, I….umm. Yes, that’s it yes I want to make out with you oh no, you got me. You have seen through my glass veil. “

“Alright then.” She put her drink down and grabbed his hand, leaving her phone behind in all the excitement, and off they went to the courtyard to have a cheeky kiss. Saboo winked at the boys on his way out the door, signalling them to get the phone.

Howard jogged over to the table along with Vince, who was on the lookout, and he cautiously picked up the phone, but when he scrolled through _‘recent calls’_ he only saw calls to her Mother, calls to her sister and a call to a pizza place. 

Vince took a glance at the phone, “Could she have been that angry with her family?”

A look of confusion crossed Howard’s face, “Or a pizza place?”

“Maybe she was pissed she didn’t get fresh tomatoes?”

“Or Olives?”

“Does she seem like an olive kinda girl?” Vince bit his lip, deep in thought, then he looked at Howard.

“Hm ok. I’ll make a note, keep a lookout Vince.”

“Ok.”

Howard rolled up his sleeve and made notes on his arm so that no one could see them, then he rolled it down. “Ok all done here Vince.”

Vince whipped his head round, swishing his pink hair, to face Howard, “Ang on ‘Oward, wha about pictures? Has she got any pictures with anyone that might be suspect?”

Howard clicked his fingers, “This is why I love you haha, good thinking Vince.”

They scrolled through Angel’s gallery, but she only had pictures of herself and her family along with a few downloaded pics of _Shakespeare_ quotes from pinterest and screenshots of book recommendations from Instagram. They were even more puzzled than before, maybe she’d deleted the call history?

Vince scratched his head, “Hm, ok wull at least we’ve got something I guess.”

Howard replied quite irritably, “Oh yeah we know she’s a family girl, she loves pizza and that she may or may not like olives on said pizza and that she really really really fucking loves Shakespeare!” He realised he was shouting the last bit, so he took a breath in and apologised to Vince, running a hand through his curls, “Sorry little man, but this shit is driving me insane.”

He placed a comforting hand on Howard’s shoulder, “S’alright Howard, we’ll figure this out, for the academy and Saboo.”

Howard kissed Vince’s hand, tickling it with his moustache, “Thanks Vince. Let’s give Angel her phone.”

_Meanwhile….._

Saboo and Angel were holding each other close, kissing. 

They broke apart for a while and Saboo discreetly handed her phone to her and whispered in her ear, “It’s done.” He laughed maliciously and bit her ear, which made her giggle.

“Much appreciated.” She took the phone off Saboo and they continued kissing.

  
  


2

There was a secret room in the library, that you could get to by pulling down a candle stick. Monty, Jurgen, Old Gregg and Dennis were all standing in a circle wearing red robes with big hoods that covered their faces. 

"So, friends, keeping students safe is our number one priority as you know. But someone has gone against everything we stand for." Monty said with a flamboyant flourish of his arm, swishing his robe as he did. 

"Somebody killed Rita. It was hmmm one of us, so why don't we just fess up? Why can't we do it now? Hmm? Gonna miss Baywatch."

"There are more impurtant thengs than watching men run across a beach helf neked, Old Gregg."

"Hmm, well I make a night of it, Jurgen. Me and my muscle man. Baileys and Baywatch, it's the new Netflix and Chill. We mmmm. Sometimes we watch Dirty Dancing too. We do the lift at the end."

"Riveting." Jurgen replied flatly, rolling his eyes.

"It was agreed, when we started this whole academy that all our students would have no harm come to them." Said Dennis.

 _The Pink Panther Theme_ by _Henry Mancini_ started playing, muffled. 

"Oh sorry, that might be my husband." Monty said pulling his phone out of his pocket and answering it. "Wotcha darling....no it's just something I picked up from the youth here. I'm fine my sweet, how are you?..." Monty held up a finger to the rest of the room to say give me a minute. Then he slowly walked to the other end of the room, his voice trailing off in the distance. "No. I'm not wearing tights...you naughty man...!" He wagged his tongue. 

Dennis made a disgusted face. "Oh God, it's the same every time. We hold meetings like this, then a phone rings and they never ever go anywhere."

"I dunno why we bother, hmmm. Couldda just stayed at home."

"Well, I suggested film night, but..." Jurgen scoffed, "You guys said noooooo."

Monty came back into the conversation, turning his head away from the wall. "My husband is ordering food and would like to know, does anyone require anything from The Chinese?"

"Ooh yes please. Cen I have some seaweed an-"

Old Gregg shot him a look.

"Oh. My apologies Old Gregg, tell him I wud love some egg fried rice, please Monteh."

"Oh I do despair with you guys I really do. There are more important matters at stake here."

"Would you like anything Dennis?"

"Just tell him to get me some Chicken Chow Mein and a curry sauce."

"Very well then." He walked back over to the wall.

"Right, I think it's safe to say, this meeting is dismissed, probably forever and we shall all go to Monty's house for Chinese takeaway and a movie night."

Everyone discarded their robes and hung them on hooks with their names on.

"Maybe I could bring one of muh homemade films?"

"NO!" Everyone else screamed.

"But they're tasteful."

"Yeah, I'm not sure how tasteful 'The Peach and The Aubergiene' is gonna be, Jurgen." Dennis replied.

"Hey! That one is a modern storeh of love in the technulogicul age."

They all walked out of the secret room as they're voices trailed off. 

* * *

_Nights In White Satin_ by _The Moody Blues_ played through the room softly from the record player.

Howard and Vince were lying under the covers naked after quite a saucy make out session. Their breathing was in sync and Vince’s head rested in the crook of Howard’s neck, circling his chest, as he watched his boyfriend exhale a long steady breath of cigarette smoke.

There was a grey curl swirling from his mouth followed by an “Ahhhhh.” out of satisfaction that Howard was feeling.

Vince chuckled breathily, biting his lip at Howard and said “Nice to see you’re not so stressed now.” 

Howard took another inhale on his cigarette, then said, “C'était bien.” before exhaling again.

“You are well ‘French Film Noir’ righ’ now.”

“Haha. Yep.” Replied Howard as he bought the cigarette up to his lips once more.

There was a knock at the door, just then which caught them both off guard considering their current state. Vince pulled the covers around him and Howard stubbed out his cigarette, before blowing the remaining smoke in his mouth out of the window. He thought it might be one of the teachers and he _was_ breaking the ‘no smoking in the rooms’ rule. He grabbed his dressing gown and tied it up as he walked over to the door and Vince wrapped himself up in the covers to protect his modesty. 

“Ha. Look at us, fumblin fools.”

Howard mouthed a ‘shhhhh’ signal and opened the door.

It was Saboo standing there with purpose in his eyes. Howard wanted to lecture him about _the importance of acknowledging the tie on the door_ but he thought it wasn’t appropriate right about now. So instead he asked, running a hand through his now neck length hair, “What’s wrong Sab?”

Saboo noticed a dishevelled Vince in the background pulling some jeans on, making a face where his lips pulled at either side and his teeth were together.

“Well...I’m really sorry to disturb you. I saw the tie, but um. This can’t wait!”

“Wow. Yeah ok. Come in!” Howard gestured him inside.

Vince ran out of the bathroom wearing one of Howard’s flowy shirts. “S’wrong Saboo?”

Saboo sat himself down at the table in the kitchen area. “Well. I was..um...with Angel last night. Please don’t ask me what happened. It was probably a one time thing.”

“Woahh there. Wasn’t gonna ask you, man.”

“Oh ok. Well I managed to have a look through her phone.”

Vince’s eyes lit up. “Yeah!?”

“Mhm. And so I scrolled down her contact list as quickly as I could, the date that you saw her Vince, and the time she made the call.”

“Ok.” Howard was biting at some navy blue polish on his thumbnail. “So…?”

“I don’t have a name for you guys, exactly, but the ID read as ‘H.M’ so could be anybody.” Saboo played with his fluffy hair. “I’m really sorry that I couldn’t do more for you guys. But that’s what I found.”

“No. It’s ok Saboo, you’ve done more than enough. We made a promise and so did you. So, thank you.”

Saboo tapped the table and got up “Right, well I’m glad even if I can help a little. I believe in you guys.” He walked to the door. “Good luck.” He said before leaving.

* * *

Howard had made notes on everything they had found out about this mystery so far, he had pages and pages filled with them as well as the polaroid of the 'Death of Chatterton' painting from the museum, and in addition to this, a bunch of sketches that Vince had done in the background and in the corners, which he giggled at, "Typical Vince."

He laid everything out on the floor and tried to connect the pieces. So what had they got so far? 

"Ok. So. We know that Rita is dead, we know that she was deliberately moved to resemble the Henry Wallis painting, which may or may not be significant?" He scratched his head and bit his lip, trying to make sense of everything. "Um. Saboo told us she was talking to someone saved in her phone as 'H.M', so…." He was biting his lip so hard now that there were nearly teeth marks, "Who on God's green earth is H.M?" He started going through names, which included, _Harriette Malone_ from extra curricular French but she was way too polite, so it couldn't have been her. _Herbert Martens_ from the library, but he was a pacifist. He even threw his own name into the mix because of the initials, but Howard knew for sure it couldn't have been himself. He thought of every H.M he'd ever encountered whilst at the academy, but none of them sounded like they would have any motive to kill Rita. 

Vince knelt down beside him on the floor, "How's it going babe?" 

"I have named every single H.M in this academy and none of them would have any kind of motive." He started to bite his nails.

Vince rubbed his shoulder comfortingly, "S’arlight. We'll get there. We-"

Howard got to his feet and started to pace by the window, "Yeah but when Vince, hm? When? Each second of everyday I think we're closer, then it's two steps back." He was frantically waving his arms through the air like he was swatting a wasp, "For God's sake, I…", he breathed out, smiling hysterically, "I've gone insane Vince. I've lost sleep over this shit. It keeps me up at night." Now his hair was in his face due to the fact that he was moving his head so much while talking, "I've looked online, looked at every possible H.M, but none of them could've done this. I…" He ran a hand through his hair and froze.

"Howard. You ok? You look like _'The Desperate Man_ by _Gustave Courbet_." 

He walked towards Vince, "Oh I've just had a revelation little man. Oh mon Dieu."

"What is it?" 

He looked Vince in the eye and placed his hands on his shoulders, "Head Master." 

There was a silence and confusion crossed Vince's face, then he realised and his jaw dropped, "Dennis!?" 

Howard nodded, then the door knocked, "Come in!" 

"Oh hi Saboo you alright?" 

"Lads I just remembered I forgot to tell you that Angel has two phones. The one that she left on the table, she doesn't use much." He stepped towards them, "But when we were kissing, she asked me to delete the call history, but I made a mental note. Anyway she told me who it was and that he would be at the fairground tonight!" 

Vince stood up, "Well let's go then."

"I'll drive."

“No Howard I insist, let me drive." Saboo offered.

"Ok. Come on Vince." They opened the door and walked past Saboo, who wasn't moving, "Saboo, you coming Sir?"

"Yep just um writing something down, but I'll meet you outside." He threw the keys to Howard and wrote a note on a post-it, then he made a detour to his room to stick it to his desk, left his room without locking it and ran to meet the boys outside.

3

Saboo parked the car on the other side of the bridge at the fairground and the three of them walked cautiously towards the ferris wheel, “Pretty quiet.” Saboo observed.

“Part from that owl haha. Hello.” Vince waved up at the trees, which is where he heard the noise coming from.

“Yeah we should probably keep our voices down, just in case.” Howard touched Vince on the shoulder.

“Good point.” He whispered.

“No sign of Dennis lads.” He looked around, hugging himself for warmth and shivering. 

Vince squinted, trying to focus on the shadowy figure coming towards them, “Guys look!” As the figure got closer they realised who it was.

“Oh my goodness. Howard, Vince, Saboo. I didn’t expect to see you here, how are you all?”

Saboo scoffed, “Ha, didn’t expect to see us here Denny boy? Really?”

Dennis was confused, “I don’t understand.”

“Cut the bullshit Dennis, we know everything you jack a clubs.”

“Is this about your school reports?, because I use a very fair system.”

“What? No.” Saboo replied, slightly annoyed and perplexed.

“We know about Rita Sir.”

“Rita?”

“Yeah,” He looked around and lowered his volume, “We know that you made someone kill her. Is that how you get off hm? Get someone else to do your dirty work?”

“Believe me when I say I have no idea what you’re all on about.”

Vince threw his head back in annoyance, “Ugh, I’ve ‘ad enough a this. I’m tired.” He stormed over to the capsule of the ferris wheel to take a seat. 

Howard and Saboo continued to confront Dennis when all of a sudden they heard screaming, which made them all whip their heads round in the direction of the shrieks.

“GUYS!” 

They all looked confused, because they thought the ferris wheel was broken, but Vince was going up up up at quite a speed, screaming for his life.

“SABOO! ‘OWARD! ‘ELP!”

Howard was bewildered, “What’s going on?” 

“I can answer that.” Came a female voice from behind a tree, “Nice to know that ferris wheel still works huh?” She stepped towards them with a key dangling from her finger and their jaws dropped.

“Angel?”


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion to the story and an epilogue.

1

“Hello boys.” Angel said in a sinister tone, before glancing over at Saboo. “Hi darlin’.”

Saboo cleared his throat and said “Don’t play games, Angel. What’s the deal? What’s going on?”

Then she bought a gun out from behind her back. “You really don’t know, do you?” She scoffed. “ANY OF YOU? C’MON BOYS, GAME TIME!”

Dennis stepped in front of the students to defend them and held out his hands, “I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation for all of this Angel. Why don’t you just tell them what really went down. Hm?”

Angel sighed. “Alright Head Master, let’s all gather round for a story.” She said waving the gun around carelessly. 

Vince shouted from the top of the ferris wheel “S’GOIN ON?”

“Oh Gosh, just shut. Up.” She took a shot at the metal surrounding the capsule Vince was in. He ducked, even though these were just warning shots and she wasn’t really aiming at him.

“DON’T. Hurt him. Just. Please. Calmly tell us what happened.” Howard tried to keep as calm as he could.

“Ok. But I swear to God if any one of you interrupts, or tries anything funny…” Angel imitated the noise of a shot. “Right through the head. Understood?”

“Oh. Yeah yeah understood.” Everyone said in unison.

“Right. Everyone to the tea cups. Come on! Move!”

They all obeyed and walked slowly to the tea cups. 

Vince was rocking back and forth at the top of the world. He was starting to shake and feared for his life and the others down there. He wished he could do something but felt so helpless.

“So. Rita and I were good friends. But she was always the  _ pretty  _ one, the one that got  _ ‘Oh well done Rita, that’s beautiful.’  _ I was sick of it! And then one day she had the nerve to kiss one of the boys that  _ I _ loved. Granted, she didn’t know that I loved him, but STILL! There’s a girl code where if you see someone first, you get dibs.”

* * *

_ “Angel, what the fuck. Why did you withdraw my application to be Head Girl, that’s well messed up!” _

_ “I saw you kiss him.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “I saw you kissing my man.” _

_ “Oh, wh wait, you mean Francis?!” Rita scoffed. “Jesus Christ, Angel. You’re not even together.” _

_ “Yes we are. We’re practically boyfriend and girlfriend. Well, in my head anyway.” _

_ “I actually cannot believe we’re even having this conversation right now!” _

_ “We wouldn’t be if you didn’t kiss him.” _

_ “Oh for fuck sake Angel.” _

_ “Did you sleep with him?” _

_ “Wha. I. That’s kinda personal don’t ya think?” _

_ “You did.” _

_ “D’you know what…? I don’t have time for this. Frankly it’s not really any of your business what Francis and I get up to. I’m tired and have French in the morning, and withdrawing my application over this is just so FUCKED UP!” Rita turned to go but Angel grabbed her. _

_ “Don’t you put your hands on me!” _

_ “I’ll do what I like. You goin on a date, hmm?” _

_ “Again, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” _

_ “You’re fuckin dead, Rita!” _

_ Angel wrapped her hands around Rita’s neck and Rita tried to break free. _

_ “LET GO OF ME ANGEL, YOU CRAZY BITCH!” _

_ Slowly her breaths became wheezy and Rita’s swatting hands became slow and sloppy. She fell to the ground, right under a bush.  _

_ Angel positioned her like ‘The Death of Chatterton.’ _

“That was her favourite painting, I did her a favour really. Poor cow.”

“Angel, that is the worst thing I have ever heard. You did all this over some boy?”

“DUH.”

“But, wait what about the stuff you were saying on the phone?  _ ‘Why did you make ME do it?, ‘We had a deal.’  _ Those things?”

“It’s quite rude to eavesdrop Howard.”

At that point Howard was going to say that it was Vince who caught the conversation, but his heart couldn’t take if she took another shot at him.

Angel looked at Dennis. “Care to explain?”

“I received a call from Angel a couple of days after Rita’s passing, asking if the ‘Head Girl’ position was still available. I said it could go to her once I had filled out the paperwork. But, I uh never really got it done. I promised her it would all be completed by her birthday but I had some other things to deal with.”

_ ‘FUCKIN BULLSHIT!’ _

“I asked her to wait a bit longer. As sometimes these things take time, y’know.”

_ ‘NO….Because we had a deal!’ _

“I said that the head of the head of the academy had taken the decision to not let anyone apply since the incident with Rita.”

_ ‘Well, why did you make me do it?’ _

“And I didn’t make her do anything. But according to the Academy’s records, Rita was more qualified to be in that position than Angel anyway.”

_ ‘SO!?...She DIDN’T deserve it. D’you know what? FUCK YOU! It’s my birthday and I’m gonna fuckin well enjoy it!” _

Suddenly everything made sense, Vince had completely misread the conversation, down to the emphasised words.

“D’you know what Angel, you’re a fuckin nutjob.”

“Excuse me!?”

“Howard. Don’t.”

“No. I don’t care I’m tired of this whole thing. I’m losin sleep over what? Cos you’re a bit unhinged. I mean, getting so jealous over a boy, you’re driven to murder!? You’ve gone to piddle.”

Vince saw Angel grab Howard by his shirt collar and lead him over to the bottom of the ferris wheel.

“OH MY GOD, OWARRRRRD!? ANGEL, DON’T HURT ‘IM!”

“Oh...ok...woahhh now...let’s just, come on now Angel.” Dennis tried reasoning in an attempt to save his students and honour the teacher code.

“SHUT UP! EVERYONE. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Angel screamed again, as Howard went to reach for the gun. But she backhanded him with full force and sent him backwards on the cold hard ground. 

“NOOOOOOOOO! OWARRRRRRD!”

Angel shouted up toward Vince who was screaming. “ENJOYIN THE SHOW, PINKY?” 

“Oh my God. Oh my God.” Saboo ran over to try and help Howard, but Angel had the gun pointed at him and said “Don’t think so darlin. Oh and thanks for wiping my call history. Preciate that.”

“You’re welcome.” Saboo sounded so small.

“Oh but then again. You did go running right back to your little friends. You told em didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah.” She shot the ground where Howard was lying, with a bloody forehead.

“ANGEL, YOU FUCKIN BITCH! LEAVE ‘IM ALONE.” The tears were falling thick and fast as Vince screamed his little heart out from all the way up there.

Howard eventually got to his feet, “This has gone on long enough, I’m calling the police!”

Angel took another swing at him and this time, the force spun Howard around so that he was lying on his front. His jaw bled as it hit the concrete. 

Vince kicked his legs like a child in a high chair and his voice was becoming hoarse. “No. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! AHHHHH! A HUH. NOOOOOOOOO!”.

* * *

Back at the academy Monty was at his desk marking papers for his Drama students, "This one's exceptional." He was going through the papers one by one, then he got to Saboo's paper and remembered that he'd told him to mark it and give it back to him the same night if possible. "Oh yes I almost forgot. I need to go and see Saboo." 

He left his office and went downstairs to where the students' rooms were situated, he located Saboo's room and knocked on the door, "Young Saboo. It's Monty. I have your marked essay." He didn't hear a reply so he tried again, "Saboo?" He pushed on the door and it opened, "Are you in here? I'm here to give you your marked paper as requested on the same night." He looked around but he was nowhere to be seen so he just left the essay on the desk. As he placed the sheets of paper down he accidently knocked something off the desk, "Oops, I shall put that back probably important after all." The last two words of the sentence came out slowly and his face changed as he read the post it note that Saboo had written. 

_ Monty,  _

_ Me, Vince & Howard have gone to fairground. Dennis there. Might be dangerous. Call the police and come find us.  _

_ Saboo  _

_ P.S Thank you for marking my essay  _

"Oh dear. This is terrible news. I must call on one of my fellow teachers."

He rushed out of the room like lightning, then he knocked on Jurgen's door, explained what was happening and the two of them jumped in his car. 

"Ok Jurgen drive."

"Okie dokie Monteh. I just need to start my sat nav."

"Sat nav? What is sat nav?" 

"It is like a virtual map. Guides you to your destinehshun."

"Ok well hurry up about it, we haven't the time."

"Ok, what's the address?" 

Monty looked at him. "Are you serious? It's the ONLY fairground in this town Jurgen. Don't be ridiculous."

"Oh kaaay calm down. I'll just ask google." He clicked the voice search button on his phone. "Oh key Google fairground near me." 

Google replied,  _ "I'm sorry I didn't quite get that."  _

Jurgen tried again, "Oh key Google. Fairgrownd near meh." 

Google replied,  _ "No. Somehow that was worse." _

Monty got frustrated and said, "Oh for goodness sake just type it in manually Jurgen."

"Alright calm down Monteh. Don't get your pants in a bunch oh kaaay." He typed in what he was trying to voice search and bingo a result. "Ok here we go." He started the car and looked out the window, "Wow it's a dark night isn't it?" 

"Yes well you do insist on wearing sunglasses at 10 o'clock at night!" He rolled his eyes, "Now can we please move it along? we have students to save."

Jurgen took his sunglasses off and typed in the postcode, Monty called the police and off they went. 

* * *

Vince's legs were flailing as he watched the horrible display of Angel attacking his boyfriend. He could only make out a few shapes due to the height and the tears clouding his vision, but he could spot Howard's silhouette because he knew him so well. Almost without thinking he threw his jewellery down, removing bracelet, after bracelet, after bracelet but that didn't work. All of a sudden he came up with a plan, he was wearing platform shoes, so he tried to slip his foot out of them, which was painful because the laces were done tight and there were a lot of them, also this took several attempts due to the fact that Vince was terrified, so his hands were slippery with sweat. Eventually he got his shoe off, which was a relief because his foot was cramping, but he had no time to be in pain he was trying to save everyone, so carefully he took aim, but there was so much movement his head was starting to spin and it's like his eyeballs were rolling around in his head like two golf balls about to go in the hole on a course. He blinked his eyes and tried to focus, whispering words of encouragement to himself, sticking his tongue out the side of his mouth, he threw his shoe with force which was enough to knock the gun out of Angel's hand so she went to reach for it but Saboo got to it first and ran over to the Tunnel of Love and threw it in the water. "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli." He realised this made no sense but it was too late, it was already out there so he just owned it and nodded his head. 

Dennis tried to speak to Angel, tried to keep the peace, "Angel, come on now. You're better than this. Listen to me. I am trying to extend an olive branch." He approached her with caution. 

She wasn't listening, she was distracted by the fact that Saboo threw her gun, "You threw my gun in the water?"

"Duh." He took the piss out of her.

"Oh ok I see how it is. Trying to be all strong for your girlfriend that never was huh? You make me laugh Saboo. What she saw in you I will never know." 

The old Saboo would've cried, would've trembled in fear, but since this had all happened he was a new Saboo, this was his rebirth. "Fuck you Angel. You're one to talk. Pretending you're with a guy who clearly had no interest in you whatsoever. You need help sweetheart."

She was offended, "Wow that's rich Saboo. Tell me did she ever even love you? Did she ever look your way hm?"

Saboo reliped through gritted teeth, "I was going to ask her on a date, you know how you do when you like someone, you ask them Angel."

"So why didn't you?"

"Because you killed her Angel or should I say Devil?" 

"Oh yeah go me aha ha." She really was batshit crazy.

"Angel this has gone on long enough." Dennis was cut off by the sound of sirens and there was a flicker of blue lights in the distance, coming closer. Policemen were filtering in one by one over the bridge, running towards the scene. 

"You said you wouldn't get the police."

"I lied. Bitch." Saboo went over to the officers and pointed to Angel. "Hi officers, I have the whole confession on my phone. She's over there, take her away."

Dennis made a run for the operating mechanism to work the ferris wheel when one of the policemen went to stop him.

"No no no. It's okay, please. One of my students is up there." He held up his hands.

As they slapped the handcuffs on Angel, Dennis bought the ferris wheel down so Vince was back at the scene of the crime. 

He fell into his arms, crying, "Thank you so much Dennis. Thank you!" Then he legged it over to Howard, as fast as he could without one of his shoes on, he turned Howard over so he was on his back.

"Owwwwward!" He snivelled, placing himself over the top of him. "Oward?"

No answer. "No. NOOOO! Don't you leave me!" 

Howard grunted, then with pain in his voice said, "Mon amour?"

Vince chuckled in surprise. "Oui...oui c'est moi...ah….oh..oh God...Howard."

"I'm...sssss...I'm in pain. It hurts Vince.."

"I know. I know my love."

And just then Monty and Jurgen were running across the bridge. Monty went straight over to Howard, placing his coat over him and picking him up off the ground. "Oh my dear Lord."

"Sir?"

"Yes it is me Howard. I am here to take you to the hospital. Jurgen, start the engine!"

Angel drove away in the police car while Saboo flipped her off. "Asta la vista, baby."

"Can I come with you?...I just wanna make sure he's ok." Vince asked, his face puffy from crying.

"Of course you can, dear boy. You can sit in the back with him if you so wish."

"Well, I have a tram to catch. I am truly sorry for everything that has happened." Said Dennis apologetically. 

"It's not in any way your fault Sir. Would you like a lift or anything?"

"Oh I wouldn't want to trouble you."

"I insist."

"Well, thank you Saboo. You're a good boy."

  
  


**EPILOGUE-ONE YEAR LATER**

It was coming up to Christmas and the Drama students were staging a play written by Saboo, based on all the events of last Autumn and that night at the fairground. 

The students were in their dressing rooms applying makeup, doing their hair, getting into costume etc….

"You ok little man?" He noticed Vince was looking at him and smiling sweetly.

"Yeah, s'just, you look well gorgeous in a ruff 'Oward."

"Yeah. Doing it for ya Sir?" He flashed a wolfy grin and gestured to the ruff around his neck flamboyantly.

"Haha. Cutie."

"Ready for the show, got your lines down?"

"Yeah! 'M well excited. Can't wait."

Monty stood on the stage and addressed the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen thank you all for coming along to the 'College for Creatives.' Our students have worked very hard on this play, a play devised by our very own little Shakespeare in the making, Saboo. He has dedicated this piece of work to the late Rita, who as you all know was a brilliant young lady. 

So please put your hands together for our wonderful class of creatives as they act their hearts out in a Whodunnit play Saboo has entitled…

_ 'Life Imitates Art.'" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you enjoyed this story, we enjoyed writing it ! :) x


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